


Blossoming Courage

by DragonofFernweh



Category: Naruto
Genre: DeiSaku - Freeform, F/M, Recovery Story, Self-Harm, akatsuki sakura, dark sakura, powerful sakura, romance doesn't fix but it's a fun side quest, the non-con is attempted and not too graphic but don't read if it'll trigger you!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonofFernweh/pseuds/DragonofFernweh
Summary: When a flower doesn't blossom, we change the flower's environment, not the flower. Sakura grew up in a hostile home with the trials of a kunoichi and the abuse of a bullied child. She has no one to turn to, no one to trust, and when a final betrayal nearly kills her, Sakura has to learn to open her eyes. She has to learn to view herself and the world with a new perspective.





	1. Falling Petals

_They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself._

ღ

Sakura had stared out at the sky for hours now, lingering over the edge of the cliff and teetering with every breeze. Her retinas burned from the sun, but Sakura welcomed it. It gave her an excuse for the tears that dampened her cheeks. The welcoming wind seemed to whirl around her even stronger now, coaxing her closer to the edge. It was as if it wanted her to jump; or, perhaps, she wished it did. When her eyes closed, she didn't realize it. When she reopened them, she saw the landscape beneath her much clearer. It was a pretty valley with winding trees and patches of colored flowers dotting around the emerald forestry. It was a beautiful sight, for it to be her final one.

Pink wisps of hair waved about Sakura's face, clinging to her cheeks where saltwater dried. Perhaps it was in this moment of dazed, bitter isolation that Sakura thought the wind whispered to her. "Jump, jump," it said. Maybe it was only her own mind trying to justify what she was about to do. After all, it was easier when someone else was telling you to do it. It was harder to make the decision all on your own. Though, Sakura had pictured this scenario in her head countless times. Late at night, when all she could cling to was her pillow to keep herself from punching her own walls with rage.

Wasn't this what they asked of her? Wasn't this what everyone wanted? To be rid of the burden that Sakura made herself to be?

With a glance over her shoulder, Sakura's lips curled into a sarcastic smile. What exactly was it that she hoped to see? Was she afraid someone would be there to try and stop her? Was she hoping for that the whole trek up here? She turned back around and lifted her chin, peering down over the abyss she was about to toss herself into. It was a decent enough death, she supposed. It would be over quick, no one would find her and have to worry about her body; _her filthy, soiled fucking body._

A breath hitched in Sakura's chest and nearly choked her. Here she came, and here she ended it. She no longer had a safe place in her village, and no longer did she have a safe place in any of her peers. Who would offer protection to someone unable to fight for themselves? That assistance was for helpless civilians. Not someone who should have learned how to protect herself long ago, even from everything meant to keep her safe.

The tip of her shoe neared the edge and sent a rock careening down, tumbling past the wall of the cliff. Sakura watched it a moment, amused with the flailing stone. She, of course, would not roll down. No, she was going to fall through the air, peaceful in the moments before she hit the ground. She wanted it to knock away the memories of this place. Closing her eyes, Sakura began to allow her body to go lax. For a split moment, she felt a spike of adrenaline stab through her chest and push through her veins. The wind swayed her body and her brain sent alarms ricocheting through her nerves, ordering her to step back and escape falling.

It was far too late.

Sakura was weightless in that moment. She tipped over the edge of the cliff and seemed to hang in the air for a second, paused in time and enjoying the freedom of no gravity. It was when she began to fall did time come hurtling back into place.

Wind whipped around Sakura now, no longer the soothing caress of before. She didn't dare to open her eyes for fear they would blow out of her skull. This was not peaceful, it was not fast. Sakura's heart was in her throat and her brain was in the past, where she was still standing on the ledge, trying to convince herself not to jump. She was hanging in purgatory even as she rocketed towards the earth. Sakura could only think of every moment of her life that led to this; every reason she should not have done this.

She had all the time in the world to feel regret. Death was not fast, and it was not a relief.

A sudden, roaring sound came rushing into Sakura's ears. She realized that, somewhere along the way, she became deaf by the sound of her racing heart. Now, she heard the roaring wind around her as it was cut through by the sound of giant wings flapping. When a smooth, cool surface touched Sakura's skin, she felt a scream build in her chest, thinking that this was her body colliding with the ground. When her heart beat in the next second, no shattering of her bones followed it. The wind still whipped around her, but she was no longer free-falling through the air. She was resting on something solid.

Fingernails digging into the smoothness beneath her, Sakura hesitated in opening her eyes. The ground wasn't rushing towards her, instead she was rising above the landscape. She was sitting atop the body of a pure white and winged creature. She couldn't breathe, but all she could do was wait for her lungs to fall back into her before she could take another breath.

"That was quite a stunt, yeah. But, I have to say that I prefer flying this way." A masculine, slightly perturbed voice mingled with the furious wind. Sakura's natural reflexes weren't erased during her fall, nor were they capped by being miles above the ground. Beneath her, her hands clenched and her head jerked up to face the voice. Despite her hostile reaction, she was not met with any retaliation.

Blue. Blue, blue eyes. Sakura's lungs, while having returned to her, burned with her next breath. She knew blue eyes like this, once. Or at least, she thought she had. She was still reeling from the knowledge that most of what she knew wasn't real at all. She was just a stupid, hopeful little girl, just as her family told her.

"Who are you?" Well, that wasn't necessarily the first thing Sakura wanted out of her mouth, but it was all she could manage to come up with. Her voice was raspy and almost swallowed by the wind, but it didn't seem to give the stranger any trouble. Sakura ripped her attention away from the color of his visible eye to assess the rest of him. The man's long hair was blond and he had some of it tied back, out of his face. There was a strange metal contraption attached to his left eye. Was that a scope of sorts? A scope. This rattled Sakura with recognition. "Deidara," she spoke his name like she was revealing it to him, not herself.

Deidara smiled a lazy grin. "At least you've saved me the trouble of introductions, Haruno." Sakura glanced down again when the clay bird rose past the cliff. She had intended this, had she not? To fall into the jaws of death? In its own twisted and mocking way, perhaps this was just the way things worked out. "Don't think about jumping off this, yeah. I'd be much more inclined to knock you out after that, once I caught you."

Sakura didn't respond to the dry statement. She wasn't stupid, she knew better than to attempt her jump again. If he had managed to catch her once, what would stop him a second time? "Why did you, the first time?" A dozen questions burned Sakura's tongue, but she chose the one that seemed the most vital. This was on the outskirts of Konoha, barely touching the village. Had Deidara come to infiltrate, or had he come seeking information, and found himself lucky in capturing a stray ninja?

Was she even a kunoichi of Konoha anymore?

"We have plenty of time for talking later, I'd say. For now, I doubt you're in a place to hold a conversation, yeah." Sakura's jaw clenched. Deidara hadn't spoken callously, but the implications were all there. For god's sake, he had just witnessed her throw herself off a cliff. The ways he could use this against her, to try and break her down and pry her secrets about her home out of her, they were all pulsing in Sakura's mind.

Just as Sakura opened her mouth again, the command she was going to will forward quelled. Her gaze fell from Deidara and to the distanced cliff. A single figure stood there, near where Sakura had stood moments before, watching. She knew he could see her; much better than she could see him, too, for all that his face burned into her memory. Her mouth closed and her teeth caught her cheek, biting on the inside of it until she tasted blood. The figure didn't move, but she already knew. News would reach Konoha by nightfall that she was with an S-ranked member of the Akatsuki.

It couldn't be truthfully said that they had kidnapped her when she had, quite literally, fallen into their grasp. Nor was she fighting particularly hard to climb back out. To Konoha's eyes, Sakura was committing treason, no matter her loyalties and won battles for them.

Deidara's eyes darted to the side, following Sakura's line of sight down to where the wayward man stood. His lips curled with disdain. "Uchiha."

Sakura lifted her chin and watched as the glint of Sasuke's red eyes caught the sunlight. Her hands relaxed, lowered. Her posture no longer teetered on the edge between sitting or foolishly trying to attack her captor. She relaxed and she watched. Konoha would know, but they wouldn't come. They would mark her as a traitor or as dead, either one brushed her from her village's hands. She was expendable, she was a pawn that fought for her home just like the other child soldiers did. When another line could replace Sakura at any moment, no one would deem her a loss. No one batted an eye at losing a useless, young medic to the claws of an enemy.

Deidara glanced back at Sakura when he noticed her sitting back, her eyes focused on the shrinking cliff. Where his anticipation that the girl was going to call out for her teammate had been, he felt a growing sense of dread. Deidara brushed his suspicions away. He had an important matter to take care of in ensuring the Uchiha did not dare try and follow. It didn't appear he would, but Deidara wouldn't allow for risks. In his palm he held a small clay creation, one that he tossed into the air. It soared down to the cliff within the blink of an eye, just reaching the circle of land before a flash of light encased it.

Deidara watched it explode, shattering the cliff around it. Just like with all Uchiha, he was sure the youngest one had pulled a cheap trick to escape it. As long as he was no longer on the edge watching them, then Deidara wouldn't bother with him. He turned back to face the Haruno girl, who had yet to move, but on her face she wore an expression even Deidara wasn't prepared to see.

A soft, chilling smile.

It didn't seem to suit her gentle facial features, nor did it match with her eyes, but Deidara had no comment on it. He had some questions of his own for this girl, though many were ones that she could never answer, he was sure. He had watched her, on that cliff. Ages had passed as she stood, statuesque and glistening. She was no longer the awkward young teenager he had first met a few years back, with her shaking fist and furious green eyes. Now, she was an adult, with steady hands and a cold gaze. She was a warrior, and he had to treat her as one.

The air grew thinner as they rose higher into the sky. In a way, the dizziness that ensued from her smaller supply of air wasn't unpleasant. It was, however, tiring. Exhaustion washed over Sakura's bones. A fire-hose against a raging wildfire, now dousing the enraged flames. She dropped her forehead into one of her hands as if her head was too heavy to hold up any longer, and soon her body became too much as well. Sakura swayed a bit, but didn't tilt too far. Deidara's arm steadied her, acting as a guardrail and preventing her from toppling off the clay monster.

Deidara pursed his lips down at the girl that had all but collapsed. Her breathing was shallow and fast, but gradually returned to a slow and even rate. Earlier, Deidara hadn't appreciated getting assigned as a babysitter. But, after approaching Sakura earlier, he was glad it had not been anyone else. Shifting his position, Deidara moved so that Sakura was more secure, and he could still prepare for any unexpected surprises. Slender fingers tightened their grip on Deidara's arm when he began to sit back, rendering him unable to move it. He sighed, put off by the girl and what had transpired, but he resigned himself to stay still and remain where he was. It was a small price.

Looking outwards, he watched the sun beginning to sink over the horizon. Deidara shuddered as a shadow started to fall over the land. Pein would be satisfied that Deidara had retrieved the girl so fast and without drawing any unwanted fuss. Deidara, on the other hand, was anything but pleased.

He was an S-ranked missing nin. He was an assassin, a murderer, someone etched by the harsh hands of time. Death did not faze him, nor was this the first time Deidara had been a witness to suicide attempts; but to watch another want to take their own life? It never grew easy to stomach. How knocked down did a person have to be to throw themselves over the edge of the world?

Deidara wasn't sure it was an answer he wanted to know.

* * *

 Sakura awoke to the world shaking itself apart. She bolted up, adrenaline filling her veins with her ingrained fighting reflex, but there was nothing to lash out at. The only things around her were empty miles of forest and the snow-white wings of the clay bird. "Easy," someone muttered. Sakura looked up, tilting her head to be able to look at Deidara. His proximity surprised her, and she sat back on her heels, capable of holding her balance despite the jostling landing. "You haven't fallen off yet, have you? I wouldn't let you start now, un."

Green eyes narrowed, lacking any flicker of trust towards Deidara. It didn't appear to offend him. If anything, he seemed to give her a small smirk before he stood up. The ease and grace Deidara used in standing and hopping off the bird, which had yet to cease motion completely, startled Sakura. It was starting to give Sakura a headache, though she was sure there were many factors adding to that. "Hurry up, yeah. Jump down."

"Don't rush me," Sakura snapped down in the vague direction she'd heard Deidara talk from. Her fingers left her temples and found purchase in the clay beneath her, shakily pushing herself up. She wobbled and, unable to walk, took Deidara's order quite literally. She hopped off the damned thing with her only hope being that she could land relatively right.

Her concerns for that were unnecessary, she never landed at all. Deidara caught (or rather, snatched) her out of the air before she could hit the ground on her unsteady legs. If it had been hard for Deidara to support her, he gave no outward sign about it. "You stand like a newborn fawn, yeah," the man stated with a hint of amusement. He abandoned his clay beast behind and began to walk ahead, Sakura still entrapped in his arms.

There was no appreciation had for Deidara's words. In fact, had Sakura been younger, she might've hit him for it. "You talk like a drunk teenager," she remarked on his speech habits in retaliation. Deidara exhaled a puff of a laugh, cutting his eye to the side to glance down at the girl. She had a mouth on her, in spite of her earlier vulnerability.

"You'd hate to see me actually drunk then, yeah?"

Sakura blinked, taken aback by the amicable and laid-back response. It didn't fool her, but it did prompt a pause. She'd seen Deidara in action. When his eyes glowed in crazed passion and his beautiful creations launched from his hands, a pretty death hidden in clay. "It might make you unintelligible, which would be a step up." Sakura's voice remained smooth and in beat, not failing to return the same jabs Deidara gave to her.

Deidara's lips broadened into a smirk. For someone who, all accounts considered, was technically a captive; Sakura did not behave like one. He shouldn't have had complaint with that, but it was hard not to take suspicion with it. Most captives screamed and kicked a lot, after all.

The cave entrance that Deidara had walked down seemed endless. Sakura's eyes were only just now beginning to adjust to the darkness when she felt them come to a stop. A rumbling, crunching sound roared through the cave with ferocity. Had she not been unable to, Sakura might have been inclined to retreat from such a noise.

When the roar had receded, Sakura realized that Deidara had begun to walk again. Dim lights began to illuminate the previously pitch black line of Sakura's sight, making her squint to readjust her eyes once again. The longer they walked, the more Sakura was afraid this base was underground.

"So, you managed to do something right," a deep voice spoke. Sakura's muscles tensed beneath the sound of a new voice. It was a bored, tired drawl that seemed to barely have interest in talking at all.

"Is Leader-sama back yet, Hidan?" Deidara deadpanned, eyeing the older man who was leaning against the wall. If his blood-stained hands were any indication, Hidan had only just gotten back. Sakura's eyes zeroed in on the Jashinist as he nodded his head towards a corridor. His gaze dropped down to Sakura then, as if just thinking to acknowledge her. His lips curled into a sneer that sent the girl's heart careening off her ribcage. It was only just registering past the haze of her own emotions where she was, who she was with, how easy it would be for any of them to–

He could kill her by just raising a hand.

Remembering how to breathe became Sakura's top priority once Deidara had moved far enough away. Dim torches lit the corridors, casting an eerie glow across the ground and walls. Once the end of the corridor began to near, Deidara paused and set Sakura down on her own feet. Miraculously, she stayed upright. Though, walking was another trial altogether.

Deidara stepped forward to the door, and with a heavy hand he knocked three times. After a pause, the door creaked open, revealing the stone walls inside. A haunting air burst from the room when the door opened, chilling Sakura down to her bones with malicious cold. Deidara nudged Sakura forward without patience, coaxing her into the unwelcoming room. With her arms at her sides and her chin held high, the young woman walked, her footsteps echoing with an air of finality.

"Is this her, Deidara?" Sakura heard the slow, almost melodic voice, but she didn't see who was responsible for it. From behind her, she heard Deidara shift, presumably to bow his head.

"Yes, Leader-sama. As you asked, Haruno Sakura, Konoha's top medic ninja and former apprentice of the Sannin."

Sakura swallowed her voice before she allowed it to get her in trouble. Only silence would greet her questions, if not direct consequence. "I trust that you won't present a problem, Haruno." The same, disconcerting voice addressed her. She felt the innate need to straighten up, to tense her muscles. "You are an asset of the Akatsuki, now. Your medical skills are necessary for our successes, as is your knowledge of Konoha. Under our hand, you are a tool of the Akatsuki."

Sakura opened her mouth, but she could do nothing but close it a moment later. The answer was right in front of her, she knew. Konoha would not welcome her back, and her resistance here would be a futile and dangerous proposition. Her shoulders rolled back and she clicked her jaw to keep it from trembling. "I understand." Sakura knew her skills weren't as abundant, nor were they particularly honed, when compared to those of her teammates and sensei. But, she was a kunoichi all the same, and she'd be damned if she didn't live up to that title. If this was her honorable chance at death, she would accept.

Deidara cocked a fine brow at Sakura, but he didn't speak up, he stood back to observe her. She was rigid, no lack of fear present in the way she held herself, but she didn't crumble beneath it. Her voice rang with clarity in the reverberant room. He turned his gaze from her to the shadows before her, where he knew Pein sat, watching her with the same dubious, curious intent.

"Deidara, see to it she doesn't cause trouble." The silent warning of "keep an eye on her" was never voiced, but it was crystal clear. The blond nodded his head in respect once more before he straightened up, wrapped his fingers around Sakura's arm, and began to lead her away.

Once outside, Sakura tugged on her arm. "That won't be necessary," she told him, eyeing his hand around her bicep with contempt. Deidara shot her a sideways look, as if asking her if she was serious. "Does it look like I have anywhere to run to?" The walls were all hard stone. The corridors were all a maze and the miles of forest around them were all empty, likely infested with hidden dangers awaiting prey.

Deidara scoffed. "For a woman strong enough to shatter the earth? I won't put anything past you, yeah."

Strong?

Strong things did not break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fifth story in my journey to rewrite all of my bullshit fics. This is the first of my multichapters that I'm rewriting so it took a while, but I'm happy to have gotten it done. I can't quite remember, but I think this was the very first multichapter story I ever wrote. It's really cringe-worthy, but what else can be expected of a twelve-thirteen year old child? Hopefully I made it at least a little better. The grammar and punctuation have improved (though aren't perfect, as I'm no expert) so that can at least be a comfort, right?
> 
> I'm not nearly as into the Akatsuki as I was when I was younger, but they'll always have a special place and I did rekindle some affection for them while writing this first chapter. I remember a time I did nothing but read fanfiction of the Akatsuki X Sakura on my iPod. Good times man, good times.


	2. Shaky Ground

Deidara, Sakura found, was not particularly good at keeping watch on people. He had sent her off just moments before with only a warning. "I hope you can follow directions, yeah."

Perhaps Sakura would have been able to, had this place not been one overlarge maze. If asked which way was up and which was down, Sakura wouldn't have been able to answer with certainty. Several minutes later, the trek down her fourth corridor seemed promising. At least this one was bright enough to actually see. Now, she hoped this wouldn't lead her to the wrong room. Her timorous hands wrung together and she remembered Hinata's own timid habit with her fingers. Sakura dropped her hands to her sides, allowing that memory to fall and shatter on the ground. Hinata was back at home (home?) with her own battles to face.

There was a room at the end of this corridor instead of a dead end. Sakura could only wish hard that it was the correct one Deidara had intended her to find. Sakura thought of how daunting it would be to disturb the wrong person on accident. Or, even worse, what if she were to stumble across something she wasn't meant to discover? Deidara had been too laconic to be of any use to Sakura. The only thing she had gathered from him was that she needed to see someone about obtaining a cloak. Wearing the symbol of the Akatsuki made Sakura's ears ring. It was the final nail in the coffin, sealing her away as a full traitor. She would be fighting against the hidden villages, against the ideals she'd had hammered into her since she was born. Ideals shoved down her throat, spoon-fed war just like every other baby in the villages.

When Sakura raised her hand to knock on the door, it was with resignation. She had sealed her own fate when she had chosen to drop off a cliff's edge. With the decision made for her, she had no choice but to comply with the orders given to her. Just like after she'd fallen, she had regretted ever stepping foot onto the edge. There were no second chances here. Sakura had no doubt that her name was suffering slander. by now. Perhaps they'd plastered her face across her home village while the people shouted about her and how she'd turned her back on them.

Who had turned their backs first?

"What is it?" a cool voice answered from behind the door. Sakura's hand, still poised in front of the door, froze in midair. She was sure her heart had followed its example. Pillars of disbelief stacked atop her anxiety. She knew that voice, she knew it better than most ever got to. Her encounter had broken him down to his raw form and exposed him for her to pick apart. But, there she had left him, without dissecting him at all. Back then, she hadn't wanted to further disrespect a man already at his lowest point.

Sakura's fight or flight instinct was manifesting in flight this time. Had she stumbled headlong into a trap intended for Sasori to kill her and use her body for one of his weapons? It had all been too easy, how had Sakura not pinpointed this outcome in all the ones she had imagined?

"Are you going to waste my time standing there all day, or are you going to speak?" Sakura jumped a tad at the impatient question. It was clear he wasn't going to wait on her anymore. Her mouth opened, her lungs filled with lead, and she spilled her voice like rushing water.

"Deidara sent me." Sakura technically wasn't lying, though the original order came from Pein. Using Pein's name felt wrong to her. The respect it commanded was not natural to her like it was to his subordinates.

Sasori didn't answer Sakura immediately. The hesitation was only momentary and almost unnoticeable to anyone else. But, Sakura was not anyone else, nor was she oblivious to the pause and the reasons behind it. When there came no immediate answer, there was a moment where Sakura clung to the hope that Sasori would dismiss or outright ignore her. When Sasori spoke up after a beat of silence, the girl heaved a barren sigh. "Hurry up, I don't have all day." The door opened without the help of a hand, reminding Sakura of how disconcerting chakra strings could be. It was wrong to her, that someone could use someone's body or control something without ever touching it. It reminded her of the books of Voodoo in Tsunade's libraries.

The interior of the room was a whirlwind of tools, scrolls and other random bits. While it appeared disorganized and chaotic, Sakura had no doubt there was a system at work here. Hospitals functioned quite the same way, in some aspects. She stood in the doorway like a misplaced statue, hovering between her instincts and her logic. Although her heart was pounding and screaming with alarm, Sakura tried to remind herself that Sasori expected her. Deidara had sent her down here, after all. Her abduction was not arbitrary, it was for a purpose. Her paranoia wasn't founded, now. What would the point be in going through the trouble of retrieving her if they only wished to execute her? Had that been the case, Deidara would have disposed of her in the beginning.

Grey eyes watched Sakura with censure, waiting for her to further enter the room. Alas, she did nothing but watch Sasori in turn. "I don't suppose we're going to stare at one another all day," she commented in a wry voice. She locked her hands behind her back. Her posture never relaxed, but this was all she could do to appear like she wasn't offering a threat. Sasori wouldn't afford her the same courtesy, she knew, but he didn't have to. Sakura knew better than to expect things from people.

Sasori's brow furrowed as he straightened up from his desk. One of his fingers crooked, beckoning Sakura to the far corner of the room. The kunoichi, without any other option, followed his direction. She came to stand in front of an array of small tools, all on a shelf and scattered on it. Confused, Sakura started to ask what Sasori wanted her to do, but he was ahead of her already.

Her arms lifted straight outwards and her back arched, straightening up and bringing her to her full height. Sakura's sense of survival compromised the crushing disgust in her chest. Don't question how someone does things and you won't fall south of someone's good graces. People hated having their ways judged, she herself had suffered scorn for that before. Of course, she had always been a firm believer that if you couldn't go above or below, you could go right through.

Sasori's lack of hostility was as good a grace as Sakura was going to receive, but that suited her fine. Sasori's nimble fingers twitched and moved, fixing the black cloth and adjusting it to Sakura's physique. As he worked, the silence began to eat away at Sakura, as did her burning curiosity. Where bolts and wooden joints had been before, she could see the pale softness of human flesh. She could hear the rise and fall of Sasori's chest with breath in his lungs. "I see you had one more trick up your sleeve, Sasori." His name tasted odd on Sakura's tongue. It was bitter of the past and reminded her of berries that were too ripe.

Sasori flicked his gaze towards Sakura, but her own eyelids had already lowered. "There's always one more trick. I'm sure you're quite familiar with that, Sakura." An unperceivable jerk traveled through Sakura's body when she heard her name leave Sasori's lips. He was the first to address her as such, she had no doubt it was to agitate her. Granted, she supposed it was only fair when she had used the same familiarity with him. That still didn't make it right. Sasori finished cinching the cloak around Sakura, leaving her feeling heavy. "Go, you interrupted my work." A fine-boned hand lifted to wave Sakura out, a gesture empty of weapons or harsh intentions but still capable of wounding all the same. Shrinking back from his hand, Sakura's own flinched up, as if to cover her face, but it froze before getting that far.

Sasori didn't raise his gaze towards Sakura again, nor did he move his hand from where it had paused, not going any higher. Mortified, Sakura hopped down from the slight platform to take the suggested departure. "I'm quite run dry of tricks. Your leader may be out of luck," she muttered in a voice brimming with acid. It burned her tongue just as it had burned her ears to hear them. Sakura didn't waste any time once Sasori had dismissed her. The new cloak felt odd and restrictive against her skin as she walked, trying not to make it obvious she was hurrying out of the room. Proud of herself, she found it quite impressive she didn't trip over the billowing cloth. Once out, the air seemed less dense, easier to breathe.

Sasori flicked his index finger and the door shut with a reluctant creak once Sakura was down the corridor. It had been him that Leader-sama questioned, who he had learned of the Haruno girl's skills from. Sasori was the most familiar with her abilities. She was still but a child back then, but even just two years later, Sakura had appeared to age twenty years. Her face was thinner and her eyes no longer glimmered with a cocky optimism, with the assurance of a win. Now, they were rock-hard. Raising his fingertips to his mouth, Sasori hummed against them.

"I thought the age had passed when villages broke their own children."

* * *

 Sakura felt much more like wild ivy than she did her namesake, now. She was wandering and reaching out, but without any true place to go. Sakura couldn't have felt more out of place or lost, even if they had bound her or locked her away in one of those hidden rooms. She'd already passed countless empty holes in the walls. Sakura was struggling to remember what it felt like to be free, and admonished herself for forgetting, as it had been only hours before. She found she couldn't.

It had been ages since she last felt liberty, since it felt as if the sun had reached her roots. Her insides were cold, now, and she thought she might freeze anyone who dared to get too close. Having retraced her steps, Sakura had led herself back out of the corridors. Though the more open areas of the base were no less cryptic. When Sakura lingered in the rooms, it made her feel like she was a shadow. She wished that she could blend in like one, ignored and left be.

"Oh, he's let the bitch run loose? I didn't think he'd have the balls." Out of nowhere, an arm locked around Sakura's waist and yanked her off her feet, wrenching a gasp from her throat. Moments later, several senbon launched from a concealed point in the ceiling. They embedded in the floor where Sakura had been standing. "Watch your head, princess."

The callous voice was unmistakable, it belonged to the man Sakura had seen earlier, Hidan. She had never seen him prior to this. She had only heard the stories of the Konoha ninja that had fought against him and failed to kill him. Sakura dug her nails into the arm wrapped around her waist, but it didn't faze the man at all, even as blood dripped down his lower arm. It was with a scoff that he shoved Sakura away from him, nothing if a bit annoyed. "What do you think you are, some kind of fucking cat? Is that how you fight?"

Sakura composed herself and lowered her eyes, staring at Hidan's swinging pendant instead of his eyes. "I'm sorry, mostly. I would think I'd have heard you before you surprised me." Sakura's sardonicism overstepped many boundaries over her childhood. Even now, her tongue ran faster than her filter could keep up.

Hidan snorted, but she was unsure if it was in amusement or annoyance. Either or, his lips curled into a wolfish sneer that was almost enough to tempt Sakura into stepping backwards. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood. Fuck off, kid. Your room is that way, stay there until someone comes to get you. It'd be a fucking shame if you ended up splattered on the walls within the first few hours." Hidan knocked his shoulder against Sakura's in passing, shoving her in the direction of a southern corridor. After Hidan was gone, Sakura realized how she was clenching her fists together. How much she had wanted to lash out at him. He was one of the infamous immortal duo. Hidan had taken out almost an entire squad of Konoha's ninja, had come close to killing her best friend.

Best friend. Sakura's fingernails began cutting into her palms. The memories she had of Ino had grown tainted, covered with red stains and saltwater. As a child, you don't recognize a friendship forged of pity. Of course, perhaps she should have, considering how often Ino was willing to leave her behind. Sakura never could keep up, could she? Not with someone like Ino, a girl of feminine wiles and prestigious blood. Sakura would bet Ino was basking in the attention of her disappearance. She'd be clinging to people's consoling words and comforting touches like they were morphine.

Hidan should have finished what he started.

Stricken by the intrusive thought, Sakura was almost ashamed.

Continuing her way down the corridor, she wondered how deep this base ran. It was cool and felt like, were she to crack a wall, water would come gushing in. Was this how fish felt, swimming in the ocean? Isolated and yet completely in danger from all sides? Sakura shook her head. If she was going to start comparing herself to fish, perhaps she was the one who needed medical help.

The sight of a door was a blissful and welcomed view. Sakura's bones were beginning to feel like they were gaining weight and sinking her down to the floor. The doorknob turned smoothly and granted her access to the room with a gust of cool air and a sense of apprehension. Goosebumps rose on Sakura's skin. Once the door was open, Sakura inspected the room with a glance, assuring herself there was nothing waiting inside. She nudged the door shut behind her, afraid to make too much noise lest it somehow draw attention. How anything but the walls would hear her was a mystery only Sakura's anxiety could have answered.

She padded around the room with dry inquisitiveness, scoping it out and familiarizing herself. It was to be her new bounds for privacy, after all. It was a rather bleak room, with only the barest necessities cluttering it. There were two small desks. One with drawers for her possessions and another was a writing desk. There was a chair and a small holder for a candle with which she could write by, though her words would stay trapped in her head. The bed was in the center of the room. Sleeping on a bed in the center of a room reminded Sakura of what it must feel like to be on a boat out in the middle of the ocean.

With the bed squeaking against the floor, Sakura pushed it until it was closer to the left wall. A sweat didn't even break on her brow while she fixed the placement of the bed, until she felt satisfied. Other than the minimal furniture, the only other assessments Sakura could make of the room was a small door. It was between the desk and small wardrobe, and when opened, it led her to a bathroom.

Sakura unzipped her cloak and tossed it to the desk as she exited the bathroom, heaving a small sigh. She went to sit on the bed, cautious as she crawled on top. It was comfortable and dipped a little with her weight, inviting her to lie down and sink further into it. It felt foreign to her, as odd as it sounded. It was just a mattress, but she'd slept on a couch for ages now, in that apartment of hers whose emptiness mocked her.

"I bet they'll sell that dump before long." Sakura wouldn't have been sorry to see it go. It had only been hers for a year or two, when she began to make enough off missions to afford the pitiful rent. It was falling apart and smelled like rotten wood, but it was warm and it was Sakura's. She had been a fresh-faced fifteen-year-old when her parents, ashamed of Sakura's slow progress as a kunoichi at the time, had disowned her. They sure weren't ashamed of Kakashi's blatant favoritism over the years, though it had been part of why Sakura fell behind. Sakura had been too young to really understand, and too young to hate them yet. She had striven for their pride from the start of her academy days. But, her mother always nagged her shortcomings and her father was always at the bottom of a bottle and seeing Sakura in a haze.

When he had taken a kunai to his wife's throat and then to his own, Sakura was seventeen and no longer young enough to love them. Her only sorrow was that she'd had to clean up her parents' old house. When she got there, she only gave one sign of respect. Sakura turned their family portrait face down. Maybe to prevent the shame, maybe so she wouldn't have to look at it.

All the rain in Konoha couldn't wash the sin out of that house.

* * *

 A knock resounding at Sakura's door was what snapped the girl back into it again. She jumped up, hand at her chest and uttering a quick "come in" to whoever was outside. The door opened to reveal an older woman, with startling amber eyes and a face that reminded Sakura of a rainstorm. She was soft and peaceful, with lightning in her eyes.

Sakura allowed her entry, somewhat wishing she wasn't as suspicious as she was. The woman inclined her head in a polite greeting, no more threatening than a paper butterfly. "I'm sorry to intrude, but I feared you hadn't been properly seen to." As she spoke the woman assessed Sakura, scrutinizing for any injuries. "My name is Konan. I'm afraid that, while I can't offer you much in terms of comfort, I can at least provide some help where you need it."

Konan's smile was contagious and provoked a reluctant one from Sakura as well. It was a breath of fresh air in a place of cold stone and callous men. "I appreciate that, Konan-san. It's a nice change from the rather…brusque landing." Konan covered a small laugh behind her palm.

"Deidara is not the softest of people, I apologize for that." Konan shifted and cocked her head a bit in a directional motion. "I was going to make something to eat, would you mind helping me?" Whether the offer was for the company or to lessen the workload, Sakura was grateful for a chance to occupy her mind and her restless body.

With a nod, Sakura opted to follow Konan. "I'd like that."

Cooking was a chore Sakura usually found to be dull, but she was thankful for the work tonight. It provided the distraction she had wanted and allowed her to find her way around the kitchen, learning its interior. By the time they finished the food it was past evening and Sakura's own belly was rumbling, but she never reached for any of the food. She winced when she looked at it and reminded herself that determination made for health. Had she eaten, she would have had to spend all the next day working it off. _Finally, you're learning to keep that weight off._

Konan nibbled from her own plate as a few of the male Akatsuki members filtered into the room, Deidara and Kisame among them. Sakura, like most her age, was familiar with Kisame merely through his legacy, and she wasn't keen on lurking around him. When she set a bowl down on the table and turned to leave, she heard a raspy voice interrupt her escape. "Oi Pink, aren't you going to eat something?"

Sakura didn't turn around, in fact she barely paused in her step. "I'm not hungry, forgive me." With her departing words hanging in the air, Sakura took her leave, her shoes clicking on the ground as she returned to her room. It wasn't quite as difficult remembering the way to her room as she feared it would be. Of course, maybe it was just because it was still fresh in her memory. She'd try again after being gone for a day. When the door shut behind her, Sakura felt like she could breathe easier without so many eyes on her. She knelt on the floor, soon collapsing to sit down on it. The bed simply seemed too far away.

A short while later, Sakura's blissful solitude was invaded. The door opened, without even a knock to warn her of the person encroaching into her space. Sakura turned to face the intruder with her expression hardened. Who she expected, she wasn't sure. She was still surprised when it was Deidara who entered her room. He had a plate with a small portion of rice in his hand, and he easily returned Sakura's expression with the same unwavering stubbornness.

"Get out." Sakura sounded incredulous, even to herself. She was admonishing Deidara for thinking he could break into her space.

Deidara, whether he was brazen or downright foolish, didn't bat an eye at Sakura's order. "You're eating." There was no room left for an argument. Of course, that didn't mean Sakura wasn't going to try. She opened her mouth, ready to fire a litany of expletives at the man.

Deidara knelt on one knee in front of Sakura and pushed the plate into her lap. "You're not going to starve yourself on my watch, yeah. What help is that? You're a medic, a ninja. You know you need the energy or you're only hurting yourself worse, un."

Sakura's lips remained pursed as she glowered up at Deidara, challenging him to force her. In spite of what her cruel inner voice was saying, Sakura was less angered by the words and more so by knowing that Deidara was right. Deidara sighed and picked up the chopsticks, holding some of the rice to Sakura's mouth. She glanced down at it and back up at him, but when it was evident he wasn't going to back down, she reluctantly opened her mouth. Deidara smiled with satisfaction, and Sakura ate the rice bit by bit.

Neither of them spoke up again, once Sakura had finished Deidara just took the plate and stood up with a huff. Sakura would have teased him about being an old man, but she reminded herself he couldn't have been more than a couple of years older than she was. "I'd hate to make a habit of this, un. But I still will."

Sakura wasn't sure if he was threatening her or promising her, nor was she sure how to take it. "You didn't have to do that." Sakura kept her hand on her stomach, where it no longer hurt, unlike her head. Deidara paused and glanced down at Sakura, staring at her for a moment as if trying to pick the girl apart. He reached down and brushed a lock of hair back from Sakura's face, causing her eyes to widen.

"No, but you don't have to, either."

* * *

 It was late by the time Sakura had passed out. She never did make it to the bed. It was too far and too unworthy of the effort for her to drag herself up and into it. She didn't doubt she would do anything but toss and turn, anyway. She sat on the floor for a long time tapping at the carpet, lost in torrents of thought. She eventually did slip into slumber, completely unaware of when she had even lied down.

Somewhere in the middle of the night was when her predictions had come true. She clutched at her own arms to ward off a chill, her eyes screwed shut and lips moving in incoherent pleas. _Please stop, just leave me alone. All I want is to be left alone–why won't you just fuck off!_

In the corridor, someone else who had his own trials with insomnia was walking past Sakura's room.

Coming to a pause just outside of Sakura's door, Itachi could hardly make out her faint and almost pained voice through it. With care, Itachi opened Sakura's door with the intention of ensuring she was unhurt. He hadn't expected to find the girl curled up on the ground, across the room from her bed and shivering with a violent force.

Almost suspecting she was going to shake herself apart, Itachi knelt and took Sakura into his arms. He was careful not to jostle the unconscious woman as he carried her to the bed. He set her down on the mattress and watched her curl against her pillow. Her frantic fingers grasped at it as if it were keeping her afloat in freezing waters, the only thing between her and sinking. Itachi pulled the blanket over Sakura's shoulders and dropped a hand to her forehead, worried she may be ill. He found no fever, for which he was thankful. Before he pulled away, he lingered, and stroked her hair back.

Sakura began to fall still under the soothing, cool touch. Her distressed sounds ceased, as did her trembling, until Itachi was certain that she was no longer suffering from a night-terror. Only then did he leave, leaving the girl to rest and hoping to find some of his own. Kisame was surely up waiting, no matter how many times Itachi had told him not to.

Once the door shut, Sakura huddled deeper into the blankets, a faint but sincere smile painting over her expression. It was almost like magic, what a smile could cover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus fuck rewriting this thing is more of a trial than I thought it'd be, I'm having to completely rearrange some pieces of it.
> 
> On the upside, I get to write a darker Sakura instead of the weepy, helpless girl I'd written four years ago. Dark!Sakura is always a plus.
> 
> I also want to point out that when this was originally written, it was before I knew of Sakura's canon parents. The people I wrote in as her parents are just OCs and that's still how I view them. But, if you want to view them as Sakura's canon family, feel free to! I just didn't believe they fit, so I didn't change it.


	3. A Warriors Body

The arrival of morning was an unwelcome guest. And, unfortunately, not one Sakura could ignore by simply wishing it away. She groaned when the sunlight began to burn her eyes. When she tried to raise her arm to block it out, she found it tangled in the sheets. When Sakura opened her eyes, the black cloth of her pillow confronted her. The change in scenery confused and startled her, hadn't she fallen asleep in the corner?

Sakura sat up and the sheets fell into her lap. With a frustrated rub to her temple, she determined that she must have sleepwalked last night. It was normal for people who fell asleep under stress to sleepwalk, though Sakura hadn't ever done it in the past. Sakura shook her head, it was too early to think so hard about something so insignificant. There was no other answer than sleepwalking, she was just thankful she hadn't woken up somewhere in the middle of the base. She might never have found her way back, then.

As Sakura made her bed she couldn't help but to run her fingertips across the sheets. It was such a simple privilege to have, but one Sakura wanted to appreciate all the same. A smile tugged at her lips, surprising her. Smiling had become such a chore for Sakura, especially over the past few years. It became more of a secretive mask than a genuine expression. It felt quite nice.

While getting dressed, Sakura's gaze landed on her headband. She had thrown it onto the desk last night and it lay sprawled there now, with the Konoha symbol glittering in the sunlight. She stared at it for several seconds with an expression empty of opinion. Calloused fingers ran over the cloth and up to the metal plate, where she traced the etched-in symbol. It brought her no sense of home, no sense of comfort or affection. It was an empty hull inside of her. Her hands continued downward, until she was reaching down to one of the drawers.

Upon opening it, she made the discovery of a small array of basic weapons. Selecting a kunai, Sakura twirled it between her fingers thoughtfully, like it was a small pet instead of a weapon. She tapped it against the metal plate on her headband. **"I know you want to."** Sakura cocked a brow as the dark and raspy inner-voice made its presence known to her. Did she? Would cutting ties with Konoha and wearing blatant proof of that be something she wanted?

That sounded just perfect to her.

Sakura held the point of the kunai against the metal plate and began to carve a line across it, marring the symbol of Konoha. Once complete, she ran her index fingertip across it and cocked her head, lips twitching into a smirk. She felt an odd, rebellious satisfaction from displaying the symbol of her betrayal. It was for everyone who looked at her to see, now. Sakura was no longer a kunoichi of Konoha; she was a missing nin, an asset of the Akatsuki.

Sakura found she wasn't struggling to accept that as much as she might should be.

* * *

The drafty corridor made Sakura grateful she had worn long sleeves. The entire base had an unnatural chill to it. The air wasn't unpleasant so much as it was a bit haunting and eerie. As disconcerting as it might have been, Sakura doubted any ghosts would reside here. There were more frightening things that lurked inside these walls that would have warded them away.

Sakura crossed Kisame while on her way to the kitchen, who paused so that he wouldn't run into and knock the smaller woman down by mistake. Sakura nodded her head out of respect and thanks, giving Kisame a view of her slashed headband. The swordsman smirked in commendation, but he didn't comment on the decision the girl had made. After all, it was her choice on whether this could be easy. She would have remained a tool either way. But she, like the rest of them here, had her reasons for betraying what had once been home.

Kisame bypassed the kitchen in favor of exiting the base, leaving Sakura the only one in the kitchen. She had considered skipping breakfast, but came to a pause while passing a bowl of fruit. Konan must have set it out, it hadn't been there last night. An apple wouldn't hurt, would it? It was small, refreshing, and would surely benefit her training. It was just food, Sakura reasoned. Food was not an enemy.

" **People are the problem. Eat the fucking apple."**

Sakura flinched again, unused to hearing that voice in her older years. It had only hung around and spoke up when she was a child, someone who needed its guidance. Back when Sakura felt lost and had no one else to turn to. It sounded a little more ragged, now. Tired.

A shiny red apple beckoned to Sakura. She picked it up, tossing it in her hand a bit and testing its weight in her palm. After lifting the apple to her mouth, the smooth skin rested against her lips for a moment. She could stomach a measly apple. Of course, unless Deidara thought he could hand-feed her the red fruit. Sakura snorted.

As she nibbled at the apple, Hidan trudged into the room, looking a bit worse for wear, and like he'd been out most of the night. He didn't spare much of a look at Sakura, but he did glance back at the apple in her hand, and curled his lip in disgust. "What the fuck are you eating fucking rabbit food for?"

Sakura swallowed the bite she'd already taken and fixed her gaze on Hidan, arching a thin eyebrow. "What are you cussing like a sailor for?" Sakura's retaliation earned a scoff of laughter from Deidara. He had just entered the kitchen in time to catch the exchange between her and Hidan, lucky for him. Hidan cast the bomber a look, but it appeared that neither man wanted to bother with the other. Deidara took a seat beside Sakura, glancing between her and the apple. She pretended not to notice it, though she did, just like she noticed the small upward quirk of his mouth.

Konan came into the kitchen next, looking prim and pristine compared to the two men, and even Sakura. The teenager doubted that she had ever seen someone like Konan. The woman began to prepare something simple to eat, rice with eggs, and the smell wafted through the kitchen. Sakura politely declined the offer, and Deidara grumbled some thanks of sorts when she offered him a bowlful. Hidan sat on Sakura's opposite side to eat. She listened to him hiss something at Deidara, but it wasn't in a language Sakura understood. She presumed it must be Yuga, she knew that was where Hidan hailed from. Deidara seemed to understand him just fine, if the steely glare was anything to go by.

Caught between two temperamental men who clearly had no fondness for each other, Sakura deemed it a good time to take her leave. She doubted they had to deal with one another often, but when they did, she hoped she wouldn't have to be around. She tossed the core of her apple into the trash as she passed it by, intending to take leave of the base to explore the area around it. She wanted to find a place clear enough to train in. In a forest so vast, there had to be secret places she could find that would provide a decent exercise arena. If not, well, then she could just enjoy the scenery and liberation.

The crisp autumn air polished Sakura's lungs with rejuvenation. The canvas of greens and browns that were the earth and forest around her was enriching, filling her body with energy. Sakura had always held an appreciation for nature and a preference to be outside. As a child, she had even envied animals a little bit. She imagined it must be nice to be able to have wings, fast legs, or fins to take you away from all your problems.

In the end, Sakura had traveled through a good portion of the forest without even looking for a place to train. Not so much as she was exploring and being content with the scenery. It wasn't often a ninja had those luxuries, it would be a sin not to bask.

Most of the forest appeared untouched, leaving her to wonder if the others came through much. As she was pondering this, (also observing a patch of flowers, like a child with no attention span) she heard the rustle of grass. It was a subtle, innocent whistling sound that could have easily been the wind. But, Sakura was not naive, just as she wasn't careless. As soon as she'd heard it, Sakura had a kunai in her hand and was swinging it back towards her would-be assailant. It was all in the span of a heartbeat, and she had every intention of rendering him useless. Or perhaps dead, whichever way they happened to duck would decide.

It happened so fast that Sakura couldn't even be sure how he'd done it. Seconds before she landed her hit, the kunai was out of her hand. She found herself with her arm locked in an iron grip, and her own kunai aimed at her. Startled by the turn of events, she began to use the position to shift and knee her attacker in his rib-cage. Now that she could him, though, she realized her error.

"Uchiha," she exhaled his name with a base of incredulity. Itachi released the girl's (likely bruised) arm and dropped the kunai back into her open palm without a word. He regarded her with the familiar, cool judgment Sakura remembered dealing with in the past. Sakura bowed, her back bent only a bit, apologizing for her behavior towards him. "I'm sorry for that, I'm still unfamiliar with…everything." Sakura was in a place she didn't know and surrounded by chakra signatures she wasn't familiar with. It would take her time to register and settle. Until then, she was a kunoichi, and her instincts would never falter.

Itachi didn't appear fazed by the abrupt attack. Although, it was difficult to get a read on what he thought at all, due to his subdued expressions and lax body language. He returned her bow with a nod of acceptance and greeting, somewhat taking Sakura aback. "You don't need to apologize, I can appreciate someone with decent reflexes. I presume you're searching for a place to train?" Sakura, a bit awkwardly, nodded her head in affirmation. "I have time to spare, if you'd prefer a sparring partner."

Well, no, she'd really rather not lose an arm sparring with an Uchiha. Much less one with infamy ranging from here to the other side of the globe. Perhaps that was a bit far-fetched, but she had little doubt. Despite her inhibitions, Sakura knew she was going to consent. She needed the opportunity to spar against someone like Itachi, someone who could judge her skills wholly and help her hone them as she needed. "I would like that, Uchiha-san. Though I might appreciate not having to save my own life somewhere in the middle."

Itachi was already walking ahead of her, but she thought she saw his shoulders shake in a silent laugh.

* * *

Sakura's chest and shoulders heaved with each lungful of air she sucked in, her racing heart demanding all she could take in. Wood cut into her knees as she knelt on the tree branch she had just taken refuge in. Beneath her, the grass was crunchy and charred. It was the only remnants of the blazing fireball Itachi had launched in her direction just moments before. Itachi himself had barely broken a sweat. The worst Sakura had managed to do was to block his strikes and pick apart his plans before he could go through with them. Her intelligence was her only favor here, and even then, it didn't rival Itachi's own. Perhaps she was being a little hard on herself, though. How many people were capable of rivaling Itachi, after all?

A pale hand lifted to Itachi's mouth, covering a damp cough. He held his free hand up to Sakura, signaling an end to the sparring session. Glistening and with a chest full of flames, Sakura hopped down to the ground, where burnt grass and sticks cracked beneath her shoes. "I'm afraid that's all we can do for today. Thank you for your company." Itachi was innately polite, Sakura could see. Otherwise, he would have had much harsher judgments on the way she fought him. She'd not even landed a scratch on him.

"Few have. You shouldn't compare yourself to me, you should only compare your progress to yourself." Itachi was several paces ahead of Sakura when he spoke up, startling the spacey girl. Had she spoken aloud? "The only person you should strive to be better than is your past-self," Itachi told her. Sakura blinked after him, only realizing she had stopped walking when he paused to wait on her.

The walk back to the base was a bit longer than Sakura remembered the journey out here being. Granted she'd just pushed her body to the edge. Nonetheless, she was thankful for the chance to catch her breath and compose herself a bit, lest she look like a train wreck.

The pair walked back into the base, where the cool air was an immense relief to Sakura's sun-warmed skin. They garnered a few stares from those who were around. Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu were all standing in the kitchen, though the latter two looked like they were preparing to leave. "Where did you two disappear to?" Kisame asked, looking more at Sakura than Itachi. It was evident that Kisame had become too accustomed to his taciturn partner to bother asking him directly.

Sakura found herself uncomfortable with the attention placed on her, but when she opened her mouth, she did manage to find her voice. It was still a little quiet, as if she were afraid of being overheard. "Just a walk, I was getting used to the area and I ran into Uchiha-san."

Kisame nodded at the answer, but Hidan didn't find it as acceptable, considering how nosy he could be. "Where'd you go?"

"Why do you have to be in everyone's business, Hidan?" Sakura recoiled a bit at the deep, annoyed voice. Kakuzu was infamous for his short temper among those who encountered him and lived to spread the tale. Hidan turned on his partner then, leaving Sakura to take her escape and leave the two to their argument. It was best to avoid lingering and becoming a target to a stray weapon. There was really no telling the things Hidan kept on him.

Making her way down the corridor, Sakura realized about halfway down that she hadn't double checked to make sure this was the right one. There were no physical signs to differentiate it from any of the other hundred corridors, either. Just her luck. When she approached the door, she clasped the knob and turned with a hopeful click. Barren, sweet barren home greeted her eyes. "I'm getting good at this," Sakura smiled to herself. It looked like she wouldn't have to draw a map on her hand after all.

The room, while holding no personalization, still felt welcoming to Sakura, especially after the long day she'd had. As she drank in the appearance of her room, she was helpless to stop her thoughts from drifting towards doubt. Why offer any luxuries or comforts if she wasn't meant to be anything but a tool? A prisoner? Pein couldn't have anticipated her willingness to do this. Yet, there was a room for her and no secondary imprisonment backup had she put up a fight with Deidara, or with any of them.

_Stop being such an ungrateful brat and learn to be happy with what you're given, for once._

It was back. It was a voice that was no stranger to Sakura, nor was it a friend. In the beginning, she had thought it was her original inner-voice that she'd heard as a child. This voice, however, had no tone to it. Sakura could distinctly remember her inner-voice being feminine and having a husky sarcasm to it. This voice, the one who spoke with ice and steel edges, had no tone at all. It was nothing but words. Sakura's inner-voice could be callous at times, but it was towards others and never towards Sakura. This voice, when it spoke, Sakura heard nothing. It was a lot like thinking. "How do you stop a voice that's not really there?"

Sakura recognized that was a silly question.

Taking a shower sounded like a good idea to muffle any unwanted verbal attention.

With the water set to scalding, Sakura scrubbed her skin and hair raw, washing away the scent of dirt and sweat until she could only smell fruit. The water coaxed her into staying for several minutes past when it had turned cold; but when she began to shiver, Sakura knew she had to get out.

Steam swirled around Sakura in wisps as she stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. The sight of motion from the corner of her eye brought her to a surprised pause. She hadn't noticed the mirror at first, but now she had no choice but to acknowledge its existence. It was all but screaming at her to pay attention.

Her body was nothing remarkable. Plain and pale, littered with battle scars here and there, some from personal battles. She kept her pink hair neat and short, only just to her chin and ears. She had a tall nose and round green eyes, pale lips, and a sharp jawline that she traced an index finger along. Sakura passed a hand over her abdomen, where her muscles were strong, defined, and powerful. Her hand traveled up towards her chest, where her small and pert breasts rose with each shaking breath. Everything in the reflection before her, someone had taunted in the past. Or spoken of lewdly, usually by old men with smoke on their breath and sex in their eyes who looked at her like an object and not a person.

Several of the older taunts echoed in the back of Sakura's mind. Some of them were lighter than others, such as mocking her for not looking like the other kids. Other comments were harsher, like the ones about her forehead being too big. Or, the ones about how her body was too toned, too small, or too fucking difficult to fit into that tiny box of beauty standards people forced women to have. Sakura knew women who had broken pieces of themselves to fit into that box. The box that had rules written in smudged mascara and the tears of girls who went nights without eating, just to feel good in their clothes.

Sakura wasn't a lost little girl, now. She wasn't waiting for someone to pin her up like a helpless butterfly for others to gawk at.

Sakura was a warrior, and she wore her scars and muscles damn well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I definitely got the idea for ninja being able to speak in a specific language of their villages from a post on Tumblr.
> 
> Yes, you are beautiful, strong and empowering in whatever body you have; whether it's the wrong one, whether it's hurt, whether you don't agree. You are amazing, and your body is your friend. I promise.


	4. Our own Demons

**Content warning: This chapter contains self-harm. If you find the subject of self-harm triggering or upsetting, please discontinue.**

* * *

" _Stay still." The harsh order hurts more than the hand in her hair, wrenching her head to the side. She's just tried to bite him. His knee wedges between her legs, forcing them open, but she's more worried about his other hand, now. He has it wrapped around her throat, choking her and keeping her from screaming. If she couldn't even breathe, he wouldn't have to worry about her finding her voice. Still, she tries. She has to, she has to be strong if she wants to make it out of here; she has to be strong to survive._

" _G–t off!" Sakura can see blackness fuzzing the edges of her vision. If she doesn't get him off her soon, she never will. All she needs is one chance to get out from underneath him. One chance to wriggle her wrists out of the already loosening chakra-suppressive ropes. She can feel her wrists are bleeding from how much she's scraped them together, or against the ground, but it's worth it. She can feel the bonds are weakening. But if she doesn't get away from him, he'll notice soon, and she'll have lost her chance._

" _No one else wants you. You've vied for attention for years, but no one gives a useless girl with a victim's complex a second look, do they, Sakura?" God, she hates the way he says her name. It's like it burns his tongue. He lowers his right hand from her hair and down to her stomach, where it lingers for a second. Disgust roils in Sakura's chest with deep, cold water that flows into her veins. She knows why he's doing this. She knows what the man needs. and he knows she's the only one who can give it to him._

_Sakura hails from no great clan; her genes are weak, it'll make it easier for his own to be prominent. Her body is strong, she'll carry the child well. Maybe, she thinks, it's also because he knows she wouldn't tell anyone. Not about this, not about him. No one would believe her. She was an expendable kunoichi, and he was a weapon of war. They brushed incidents like this off constantly. Sakura has been there, she's seen girls come into the hospital covered in glaring, obvious marks and wounds. Sakura has cleaned blood and semen off women who are either inconsolable and hysterical, or frigid and numb._

_Sakura has squeezed the hands, smoothed the hair, and held girls to her chest to let them cry handfuls of times. Then, when she's out of the room, she knows that the report and rape kit will vanish, brushed under the rug, and then the rug burned. Out of countless incidents, one or two men are imprisoned. Sakura has seen all those girls leave the hospital ashen with terror. Each girl had received threats. Each of them had orders not to speak up about the crimes committed against her._

_Sakura has zipped them up in body bags, some of them with their notes still clutched in their hand. She's thankful it isn't her who has to deliver those to the families._

_With renewed rage in her heart, the gelid waters turn into fire in Sakura's veins. Her blood boils and her muscles bunch. With her legs, she kicks out, her knees are weapons and her ankles are shields. Once she gets him back, she kicks him outright to_ _**keep** _ _him back. "Don't touch me!" she screams. She screams, she screams and she screams. Her voice echoes around her as she tears her bloodied wrists out of the rope._

_Then she's running, she's running and she thinks it might be nice to keep running, all the way to the edge of the cliff._

_And then, she won't stop._

* * *

Sakura awoke with a scream in her throat and the sheets tangled around her body. Damp with sweat, she bolted up and clawed at the sheets, yanking them away from her body and freeing herself. She could feel her heart racing with adrenaline, to the point that her muscles were twitching. That memory was still so fresh in her mind. It terrified her that it might never lessen, that it would never get easier with time. That day was painfully vivid, even in just a nightmare. Resting her head in her hands, Sakura's body wracked with a sob. Tears were now beginning to mingle with the sweat on her face.

The memory was an acid; it had leaked into her soul and permanently scorched into her. Sakura wanted to reach inside of herself and yank it out, and she didn't care if her entire beating heart came with it. The distraught woman still clutched her head in her hands. Quiet, inarticulate sounds tumbled out of her mouth, lips atremble and eyes filling with fresh tears. She found it miraculous she'd yet to dehydrate herself, she seemed to be doing this quite a lot lately. From deep within the recesses of her mind, places that Sakura wished she could lock away and never face again, came malicious words. Words that had come to haunt her.

_You overreact so much. Do you have any idea how many people have it worse than you? It didn't even go all the way, you can't say you were a victim. What about all those other poor girls who had it worse than you?_

A choked sound darted from the confines of Sakura's chest, where she could feel her lungs shrinking. Each breath was becoming harder to take. Inside of Sakura, everything was collapsing, and she wasn't sure how she would ever build herself back up. Reality was rushing through the cracks like a destroyed dam, ruining everything and soaking it with gasoline. Now, all Sakura had to do was to light the match and watch it all burn.

Stumbling from the bed in a weary haze, Sakura knocked into the desk, bruising her hip. With furious hands, she wrenched open the drawer. A couple of weapons clattered onto the floor from the violent way their drawer dislodged. Sakura ignored them in favor of a kunai sitting further in, glistening and imposing in the dim moonlight. Sakura didn't hold it delicately this time. It was a snake, deadly and ready to strike at any moment no matter the provocation. It sat in her shaking hand, gripped tight as she raised it to her right arm, not faltering for a moment.

Her hand had done this before.

The blade gleamed with humor, amused at Sakura's desire for it to cut open her flesh. But, cut open it did. Sakura could hear its laughter as thin trails of blood twisted and turned down her arm, until they dripped off her wrist and onto the floor. Sakura sucked in a weak breath, a flickering sting traveling from her wrist and all the way along her arm. As the blood bloomed from each shallow cut, it bled Sakura dry, taking all the torrential emotions with it. The blade was cold, almost frigid, and the chill worked its way into Sakura's system and into her heart.

It always ended like this. She would find solace in the blades, in breaking open her own skin. The brief pain never failed to bring Sakura back down to reality, to rope her in from wherever she had drifted off to. Sakura had to _feel_! She had to feel things, to remind herself she was real and alive and that feelings still existed. She needed something, and when she found pain, it had burgeoned into an addiction whenever she needed to feel. Pain became Sakura's vice, one of her only bridges back to reality and to herself, one of the only things she deserved. Perhaps if she hurt herself, no one else would have to. Perhaps if she did this to herself, everyone else would see the monster that she saw in the mirror.

When Sakura felt pain, she had no room to feel anything else.

Sakura couldn't tell how long she stayed there on the ground. The knife had fallen to the floor ages ago, forgotten. Now, she stared down at her arms, where a few fresh lines had just ceased bleeding. They crossed over old ones, ones that were white and slightly raised on her skin. A teardrop fell from Sakura's face and onto her arm, stinging one of the cuts. Foolish. She was a foolish, foolish girl, and the worst part about that was knowing it, but not understanding how to make it all stop. All these scars were like a beacon of warning, warding other people away because she was a ticking time bomb.

Now numb, Sakura stood up and took the kunai to the bathroom to clean the weapon off and replace it. The wounds on her arm burned something fierce as she moved, her skin stretching and causing red liquid to well up from the cuts again. With a hiss, more of annoyance than pain, Sakura decided she needed to wash the cuts. As the pink water swirled around her skin and then vanished down the drain, Sakura began to get her bearings back. The cold water snapped her out of her daze and she glanced down at her arm, where marks littered it. "Fuck," Sakura cursed, turning the water off and pulling her arm back to scrutinize it. She hadn't thought this through at all, not in her state of mind. She could barely remember how to breathe, much less anything else.

How was she going to hide this?

Sakura couldn't heal them. She had tried to heal her own cuts many times in the past, but the results were always catastrophic. Something in Sakura snapped, it wavered, and she only ended up hurting herself even worse. Every time she tried to heal the marks, to close them and erase them, it resulted in the permanent scarring that now marred her arms, macabre and ugly. Sakura's fist clenched and she slammed it down on the counter, only using enough caution to not completely shatter it. It was defenseless against her anger. Just as she, too, was defenseless to it.

Once, long ago when she was just about fourteen, Sakura had sought Tsunade to help her heal her arms. Tsunade had always looked at Sakura with a sickening mix of pity and repulsion after that. Sakura hated that look and she had sworn she'd never see it on someone else's face ever again.

Sakura rifled through her dresser until she came across a light jacket. Konan, Sakura thought. Konan must have provided her with clothes. At least enough until Sakura could get more, herself. Perfect, it would work just the way she needed it to. The cloak was too loose, it showed her arms every time she moved; this jacket clung to her and hid her flesh from view. It hurt, it rubbed against the cuts and irritated them, but that was the price Sakura had to pay and she would live with it. It was still somewhat cool outside at times, she could get away with it. No one here had any right or reason to question her, to begin with.

Sakura crawled into her bed with the weight of all her scars. Faintly, she could hear her inner-voice buzzing in displeasure, upset with Sakura's lapse tonight. Sakura shut her out (why could she not shut the other voice out?) and rolled over, shuffling beneath the sheets. In the moment, her habit had relieved her pain. Yet, it was only a temporary fix, and the backlash was almost as strong. Sakura didn't know how to admit to her problem, how to confess that something was wrong at all. Her entire life stood on a foundation of pretend, of imaginary smiles and lies spun of red. Sakura only knew how to be strong and go on, as if everything was okay.

Even when nothing was.


	5. Hold Your Head High

The following morning, Sakura awoke to a slight pain. It was her sheets, scraping against her cut-up arms. With a wince, she pulled them out from under the blanket so that she could inspect them. Her skin was an angry red, though not swollen or warm, but she didn't feel much relief from the fact. She felt somber and depleted; she had bled out much more than just crimson last night. Her movement was robotic and automatic. If anyone were to look at her glassy eyes they might assume her inhuman, had they not watched her take a breath. It took an immense amount of effort to even get out of the bed, much less drag herself into the bathroom. She looked into the mirror with weary malaise, reluctant to face the reflection that now confronted her.

Dull viridian eyes stared back at her with contempt, making Sakura scrunch her nose in disapproval. She tried a smile, this time. Her lips stretched wider and wider as she broadened her grin, raising her eyebrows up in a look of surprise. A sudden peal of laughter burst from Sakura's mouth. She couldn't help it; the expression had looked so strange and frightening that it was funny. It started off quiet at first, but every time she glanced back at herself another bout of laughter bubbled up from her chest. When she caught sight of her eyes again, they had a bright, healthy glow.

She did look much better this way.

Once Sakura dressed, she found that the jacket may not be such a great idea. While last night the jacket had _seemed_ like a decent plan, actually wearing the thing was another story. It rubbed at her arms and clung to her skin, leaving her with no reprieve and every reminder of her each mistake. Irritable, Sakura scratched at her arms through the fabric. If she got a rash, then she would have to worry. Until then, she was going to grit her teeth and bear it. The cuts would heal soon enough, it was only the first few days that were the worst. After realizing how familiar she was with this process, Sakura found herself sick with disgust. It was all becoming so tedious.

At least the clothing would help her to avoid any unwanted questions. Questions were always the bullshit Sakura wasn't prepared to put up with. Anyone who asked always expected a curt answer, for you to say you were okay. Or, sometimes they even expected a story of some sort that Sakura had to come up with on the spot. She wasn't Ino, sugary lies weren't her forte. So, hiding was the best option.

Sakura seemed to be developing a habit of running into anyone she saw. When she tried to get to the kitchen, she nearly collided with Kakuzu, who was on his way out of the base. With a voice that was just a bit high-pitched, Sakura apologized, and was more than thankful when he simply gave her a curt nod and went on his way. Sakura rested a hand over her heart with a deep sigh. One wrong step could kill her, and there was nothing but landmines for miles around her.

After she recovered, Sakura finally made her way to the kitchen, where the scent of cooking food greeted her. Konan wore a kind smile as she always did, though Sakura had a sinking feeling that the woman was far more than what she seemed to be. Her warm personality had to be hiding a beast underneath. How else would she survive in a place like this, among people like this?

Hidan was at the counter, forehead on the countertop and blood on his shoulder. Sakura wasn't even certain if he was awake or not, nor was she willing to find out. Reluctant to sit close to him, Sakura inched into the seat without making a sound. Konan offered Sakura a small bowl of rice, prepared for Sakura to deny it, but the girl surprised even herself by saying she'd take a little bit. She had upgraded from a single fruit to a bowl of rice. That was progress, right?

"Kitchen's getting a bit crowded, yeah," a male voice chimed. Sakura looked up to see Deidara leaning in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing a lazy smirk on his face. His hair was down for a change, making him look a year or two older than he actually was. "You could eat outside?" she suggested. She was automatically defensive with retaliation despite the comment being benign.

Deidara snorted, leaning his head forward and causing some of his hair to fall over his face. He pushed off the wall and came to take a seat beside Sakura, not being half as quiet as she had been. From her other side, Sakura heard a grumble from Hidan that sounded suspiciously rude, even if she didn't understand his Yuga swears. Deidara leaned back in the chair, causing it to scrape against the floor. "I saw Kakuzu leave already. How far can he get before your leash starts to choke you, yeah?"

Sakura stayed stock-still when Hidan slowly raised his head from the table. Deidara's shit-eating grin didn't belie any fear he might have had of the immortal. Against the wall, Sakura could see Hidan's large scythe glistening in anticipation. When Sakura saw him reach for it, she started to stand up and back out of range, and she didn't care if the chair came with her. She edged to the side away from Hidan, who now had a grasp on the weapon, and accidentally bumped Deidara's arm with her own. A pained wince crinkled on her face. The sudden, rough contact made her cuts begin throbbing. She yanked her arm back, as if Deidara had burned her.

Before any of the three of them could react further, a flurry of small white, paper cranes stormed around them in a whirlwind. Wide-eyed with wonder, Sakura watched as Konan lowered her hand. Her amber eyes were as hard and cold as stone. "Hidan, take your rage outside. I won't have you putting the rest of us in danger." Her words only lectured Hidan, but her gaze turned to Deidara, and that spoke just as many volumes as her voice had.

" _Fucking_ _hag,_ " Hidan hissed in his own language, practically spitting the words at Konan. He proceeded to storm out of the room, dripping blood from both his shoulder and his scythe. Konan never flinched. Despite being several inches shorter and likely a hundred pounds lighter, the woman stood her ground with all the force of a mountain. Sakura wouldn't believe that a hurricane would uproot her. Sakura only relaxed once Hidan was gone, and the room was still again. Deidara's hand rested on the table, where he'd laid it once he'd removed it from the clay pouch on his hip.

"I don't know why you have to provoke him every chance you get, Deidara," Konan sighed. The paper cranes were now beginning to disintegrate.

"A rock could provoke him." Deidara commented dryly, garnering a scoff of laughter from Sakura as she hurried to stand and leave. She was dying to get this jacket off her. She must have reopened one of the fresh cuts when her arm had knocked into Deidara's, because her skin was on fire. With a murmured excuse, she left the kitchen. She was thankful to exchange the excitement that had happened moments before for somewhere quieter.

Deidara watched her leave.

* * *

"I wonder how long I can get away with staying up here." Sakura's musings were serene from where she sat, high up in one of the strong oak trees she had found. Her jacket lay somewhere on the ground below her, discarded when she'd become too hot wearing it. She had come out to train and had spent the day working herself to the bone. When she approached this tree to retrieve her thrown kunai, she felt drawn to it in an odd way. Almost like she could hear the tree calling to her, she began to ascend it, all the way to a sturdy branch that she trusted enough to hold her weight. That was where she sat now. Although, she was trying to convince herself to get back down and continue working. She continued to promise herself just another minute more.

The sky was endless, from up in her tree Sakura could see birds and fluffy wisps of clouds stretching in every direction. When she inhaled, the air left a cool and tranquil sheen on her lungs. Way out here, Sakura felt free. She felt like her roots were spreading and soaking up the sunshine. It made her feel like she could breathe and lean back without having to look down or over her shoulder.

Sakura couldn't say how long she spent there in that place of birdsong and wind. All she knew was that the only thing that snapped her from her trance was the sound of an owl nearby. Nighttime hadn't yet fallen, but it was nearing, and Sakura could see the blue sky deepening into indigo in the distance. She hopped down from the tree with a quiet huff, disturbing a few rabbits who had come out to forage. They shot about in a flurry, seeking their dens or patches of grass to hide themselves in. Sakura smiled in good humor at the skittish animals, though she was sorry for ruining their dinner.

As she straightened up, Sakura surveyed the clearing around her, where she had invested her day in training. Marks and dents littered the trees where Sakura had practiced weaponry and aim. Out here, her only partner for tai-jutsu had been the old oaks. She had taken the time to heal her wounds while up in the tree, where her split knuckles, scraped knees and sore ankles were thankful for the reprieve. The clearing was a mess now, it was evident someone had torn it up, but Sakura only frowned in response. Dissatisfaction rumbled in her gut. "It's not enough." Sakura flexed her hands as anger pulsed through her, beating in her heart and through her arteries. "It'll never be enough."

No matter what Sakura did; how long she trained, how hard she trained, she would never be enough. That weak, useless girl would always be who people saw when they looked at her. Sakura balled her fist up tight, reeled it back, and swung forward. Behind the strike was the might of a goddess, wronged and mistreated by these mortal lands. Sakura's fist met with the bark of the tree and the entire thing shattered. Hundreds of tiny pieces splintered as the force traveled throughout the entire trunk. Sakura stood in the aftermath, letting the debris fell around her. Nothing stood of the once powerful and sturdy oak, now. Nothing stood tall against Sakura's wrath.

"Remind me not to piss you off, yeah." Sakura started at the voice that broke through her concentration. She whirled around to face Deidara as he intruded into her space, like he was welcome. His arms folded and his gaze eyed the destroyed tree with disconcerted interest. Sakura let her arm drop to her side and took a deep breath, keeping her back to Deidara for a moment.

"I wouldn't be worried. I can't exactly punch a bomb away." Sakura turned to face him with her reply. Deidara snorted at that, something that made Sakura smile a little herself. She wasn't exactly a conversationalist, not anymore, but she didn't find it as strenuous to talk around Deidara as she did other people. He was too laid back, too affable to be uncomfortable around. His words flowed and mixed well and he didn't worry about what another thought of them, though he was good at luring them in. To her, Deidara spoke like a stream and she spoke like a roiling ocean.

"Maybe not, un. There's a lot of things that we can't fight physically, even if some of us try." Sakura stilled, furrowing her brow in confusion. She didn't understand what he meant, and she was about to state as much, but her downwards gaze caught sight of her hands. The dark sleeves of the jacket weren't clinging to her wrists, because she wasn't wearing it. She had left in the fucking grass. Sakura's horrified gaze turned from her arm and towards the jacket, where it lay only a few paces to the side, but what help would it be now?

"Go." The word carried with the wind, making it seem heavy and sluggish. She tucked her arms up and hugged herself, hoping to hide them from view. The grass rustled as Deidara approached her, keeping his gaze on Sakura's despite her refusal to meet it. The girl recoiled, but there was no hostility when she looked up at him, only bitter amusement. "You're pretty awful at listening, you know?"

Deidara gave her a lopsided grin that made Sakura's breath leave her in a relaxed sigh, no longer building up anxiety in her chest. "Must be all the explosions, yeah? Hearing's going." He tapped the side of his head with a wink. Sakura felt laughter bubble up from her chest, where she once thought only callous sorrow remained. Deidara opened his eye and glanced down at Sakura's torn-up arms again. His smile dimmed into a closed-lipped and thoughtful one. Holding out his hand, he beckoned his fingers, gesturing for Sakura to show him her wrists.

Sakura hesitated. And, for all that she was worth, she would never understand why she complied.

Her arms unfolded and, with some reluctance, she extended them, revealing the damage that she herself had inflicted on them. Deidara gently took her hand in his, turning her arm a bit so that he could view it better. With a disapproving click of his tongue, Deidara released her arms so that he could raise his own. Sakura watched, equally as intrigued as she was nervous, as Deidara performed a sequence of three hand-signs. A dull, indigo colored glow emanated from the mouths on his palms and Sakura couldn't stop the gasp that left her mouth.

"It's all right, un. You're not the only one with tricks up your sleeve," Deidara grinned his reassurance as he took Sakura's arms. She shuddered at the damp warmth that touched her, but she wasn't sure if it was in relief or repulsion. The cuts on her arms gradually began to close, healing over, and leaving behind no traces on her skin. Sakura watched with her mouth open in bafflement. "They're not just for destruction. You don't have to look so surprised, yeah," Deidara smirked, reaching up to touch Sakura's chin and tilt her head up. She snapped her mouth shut and blinked her eyes, hoping to clear the remnants of shock from her expression. She hadn't meant to look so stunned, but she…she didn't expect compassion from a place of ruthlessness.

"I've never seen a jutsu like that, before," Sakura remarked, hugging her arms back to her. Deidara shrugged and held his hands out, palms forward.

"You've never seen anything like me, yeah." Sakura's lips mirrored the smirk Deidara wore on his face now, finding herself much more at ease. Deidara lowered his hands and reached out to Sakura's arm, encircling it with his fingers. "This doesn't help anything. Not your problems and not your feelings, yeah. Next time you get the urge to do this," Deidara gave her arm a gentle squeeze and nodded his head towards the destroyed tree. "Go punch the shit out of something instead. Don't use your pain against yourself, but put it towards productivity. You'll get it out of your system, un."

Sakura, with wide eyes that she was almost certain she could feel getting damp, snapped them shut and bowed her head down. Deidara's warm hand never left her arm and she felt his other one come to rest on her shoulder. He left her enough space to move, but stayed close enough for her to know he was there. _He was there._

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sakura opened her eyes and nodded. She could do that, couldn't she? She could use her emotions to fuel herself in different ways, not destructive ones that would hurt her, but in physical ways that would help her. "I'll try," Sakura told him, and it was the best she could give him.

"That's a good start." Sakura looked up at Deidara and was startled to see how close he was. His soft smile reached his blue eyes, it was something that made everything feel like it would be all right. As he straightened up he cast a glance over his shoulder.

Sakura cast a critical eye upwards, where the sky was continuing to darken. "Do you think we can make it back before dark?"

"Bet I can beat you there, yeah."

* * *

Sakura was _not_ a sore loser; even when Deidara smirked at her upon arriving first and she punched him. Deidara nudged her through the entryway in retaliation, snickering all the while at the ireful look Sakura bestowed upon him. Once inside the good-natured teasing continued, up until the two ran into Sasori. He didn't appear amused (or interested) with the two's good spirits when he stopped them, nor did he comment on it.

"Leader-sama wishes to see you both." Sakura nodded her head in a slight bow, a minute action of respect that Sasori returned. Deidara did nothing but wave his hand with a mutter of some sort. At least, Sakura could assume as much. She'd seen the two working together before and had deduced their relationship to be rather rivalrous, at best. On their way towards Pein's office, Sakura felt the same shudder of dread down her back. This was a place you knew you shouldn't be and yet still dared to venture into. She stayed in pace with Deidara up until they came to the door, where she took place a step behind him. She felt more comfortable not being the center of Pein's attention.

"Deidara, Sakura." The presence of a female voice in the room surprised Sakura for a moment. To her surprise, she looked up to find Konan standing near Pein. Seeing her, Sakura felt an inner sense of strength.

"Leader-sama, Konan-san." It was Sakura who voiced the greeting when both she and Deidara knelt before the two

"I've called you here to discuss a change in partnership. Due to Sakura being unable to work alone, I needed to entrust a partner to her, and Deidara is the only person I view as suitable. Sakura is a close-range fighter whose skills will compliment yours, Deidara."

Deidara lifted his head in marked surprise of the transition, though it was without complaint. "What of Sasori, yeah? He can't work alone, either."

Pein shared a glance with Konan. It was a personal and informative look that gave Sakura the impression they had spoken without even opening their mouths. "Sasori will be working with Konan from now on. If it's found that this arrangement doesn't function well, then I will find a more suitable alternative."

Sakura lowered her eyes when Pein stepped forward and extended his arm, handing Deidara an unfurled scroll. "To test your ability to work together, I'm sending you on an experimental mission. I trust you to do well." With that, Pein turned his back. Clearly dismissed, Sakura and Deidara both stood to take their leave.

A part of Sakura felt guilty that Deidara had had his partner ripped away from him and then had a teenaged girl thrust upon him to work with, instead. Another deeper part of Sakura felt driven to prove herself that she was worth having as an ally. This was only a simple mission intended to test the waters, how could Sakura could do any wrong?

Deidara opened the scroll to glance, disinterested, at the contents. "Recon," he stated plainly, and with a roll of his eyes. Recon was a boring and likely redundant task for a nin of Deidara's status, but for Sakura, it had always been a threading-the-needle sort of work. It took a ninja who was masterful at a specific set of skills. Sakura, while capable, was always hesitant to accept recon missions throughout her adolescence. After all, one had to be moldable, adaptable, and willing to do or become anything to keep their cover or learn what they needed. Everyone had a limit, it was only a matter of pinpointing what it was.

The cloak swathed Sakura in a protective embrace, sweeping around her ankles as Deidara led her outside. The blond raised his hand to her to signal that she stay back, his other hand vanished into his pack of clay. With a furrowed brow, Sakura could do nothing but watch as he pulled his hand out. She was already impressed with the odd kinjutsu, though she'd yet to see its full capabilities. There was a piece inside of Sakura, a young part of her, that wondered if she should have been afraid of the forbidden techniques.

As Sakura watched the small clay bird enlarge and its sculpted wings expand, she decided that the answer was no.

Deidara cut his eyes at Sakura and flashed her a proud smirk. "It's beautiful, yeah?" Sakura nodded, mesmerized. Deidara hopped up first and held out his hand to help Sakura up. It wasn't her first time on one of Deidara's clay creations, but it felt like it. Maybe she would never become used to this, maybe it would never grow dull. The wind whipped her hair about and the fading light was causing a great shadow to race across the ground beneath them. Sakura only sat with childlike wonder etched onto her face, drinking in the ethereal sight. She felt like she was above the whole earth. Deidara was watching her, his eyes fond and lips upturned in a relaxed smile as he observed her absorbing the liberty and sight.

The mission was a quiet one; the small village was mostly asleep, with it being too dark to work. The two missing-nin mapped the area out, noting nothing of importance that would be worth reporting. "Why is this place so empty?" Sakura inquired, noticing how rustic it appeared to be. There were no electricity posts, and there were wells where people could get water. The woodwork for the buildings looked unsteady, at best.

Deidara shrugged, looking over the edge of the bird with hooded eyes that displayed no particular care. "Without ninja, there isn't much in the way of income. They sell and trade, but without any goods it doesn't do a lot, yeah. Pein has tried extending help to places like this before, but you can see what happens when they refuse."

Sakura looked on with pity, taking in the meager village. She wished she had the callousness that her partner possessed. The same harsh and heartless ways that all shinobi had in them, but Sakura wasn't among them. She had yet to throw her heart away and, even now, she doubted she ever would. There would always be someone who needed help.

" **Nobody helped you when you were down."**

Sakura, embittered, shook her head. That wasn't what being a ninja was about.

"Ne, Sakura, the clouds are starting to cover the moon. I'm going to land somewhere we can stay until dawn, un. I don't want to risk a storm happening." Following Deidara's sentence there was a clap of thunder. Sakura's gasp was swallowed whole by the loud sound that boomed around her, echoing off tree trunks. Up here, it was like she was a part of the storm.

The bird landed in a patch of green grass and furled its wings, giving it the appearance of a bird that had simply fallen asleep. Deidara slid off the sleek clay first and proceeded to hold out his hand to help Sakura. She cocked a brow at him. "I think I can get down on my own now," she told him as she began to straighten up. She heard a chuckle from the ground and when she glanced at him, Deidara was mimicking her raised-brow expression.

"Not everyone's used to riding on a giant bird, yeah. I'd be worried that if you fell, you'd turn around and smash it into a million pieces."

Sakura burst out in a laugh at that. Deidara was getting pretty good at making her laugh, she couldn't remember when she'd last laughed so much. He gave her a cheeky smile in return when she hopped down. "It wouldn't be as pretty as when you do it."

"Nothing can compare to true art, un," Deidara beamed. His smile was blinding and contagious, Sakura learned, as she couldn't keep a smile off her own face. "C'mon, I'll get some firewood, you make the pit?"

"Sounds like a deal."

* * *

There wasn't much that compared to being curled up by a crackling fire. Both Sakura and Deidara had taken refuge beneath one of the wings of the clay bird, staying dry from the rainstorm. Sakura stared into the orange flames, becoming lost in them as she also lost herself in thought. The recon mission had gone without a hitch, and she was seeing herself growing comfortable with Deidara's company. She liked how amicable he was, and it was impossible not to smile around him. He was cheerful, but he was also grounding. That wasn't something Sakura ever thought she'd needed.

"You look out of it, un," Deidara murmured, giving Sakura's shoulder a nudge with his own. She started upwards a bit, but she didn't get far. She was drained and Deidara was comfortable, warm, and secure. She felt his chuckle more than she heard it, just as she felt his fingers reach up to comb through her hair.

"You should get some sleep, un. It's been a long day." Deidara shifted so that Sakura could get comfortable. She didn't have it in her to protest. She should have, she should have been much warier and less inclined to this. It was hard, though, not wanting this. It was hard being faced with kindness and not starving for more of it. Sakura worried she was getting greedy.

Sakura lowered her head onto his lap, her eyes were growing harder to hold open even as she stared into the bright fire. "Hey…Deidara?"

"Mh?"

"Thank you."


	6. Out With a Bang

Come morning, the faint sound of birds awoke Sakura. Bleary-eyed and dazed, she blinked the sleep from her eyes to look out at the blurry world. Though her eyes were open, she was only half-awake. The slow rise-and-fall motion beneath her was temptation enough to relax and fall back asleep. Until she began to wonder why it was that her bed was moving. Startled, she began to straighten up. The rustle of grass reminded her she wasn't in a bed at all, but outside, and her makeshift pillow was actually Deidara. He was still asleep, his chest rising and falling steadily, and his face relaxed and peaceful. Sakura held her breath, waiting to see if her movement had woken him. When he gave no sign of being awake, she exhaled a silent breath of relief.

Sakura watched him for a moment, taken aback by how serene the man looked. She'd yet to see him look so relaxed. Cautious fingers reached up, combing Deidara's long hair away from his face so that she may get a better look at him. That scope once frightened her, it had made her think him to be some sort of cyborg. His warm breath against her fingertips and the way his eyelashes fluttered in sleep made her wonder... How could she have ever thought of such a beautiful person that way? Sakura became lost in thought as she observed, tracing her fingertip over Deidara's sharp jawline and down his chin.

So lost in what she was doing, she was terribly unprepared for when Deidara stirred. His single visible eye blinked open and Sakura snatched her hand away as if he'd threatened to cut it right off. She started to apologize just as he began to laugh. "You should see your face, yeah. I almost wish I'd stayed that way for a while, just to see how long I'd get away with it."

Chagrined, Sakura held her hands up in defense. "I'm sorry, I didn't–wait, how long have you been awake?!" Deidara only started laughing harder, even when Sakura punched him. She was all red-faced with embarrassment and a twinge of anger.

"Okay, okay, ow!" Deidara exclaimed, now breathless and sprawled in the grass. Sakura glowered down at the man for a moment. His grinning face and sparkling eyes ate away at her until she, too, couldn't contain herself anymore. As soon as her laugh hit the air, it made Deidara start up again. They leaned on each other, laughter filling their lungs as the sunlight filled their little clearing. Sakura hadn't laughed so hard in ages, in fact she was even worried her dusty lungs were going to collapse any minute. "I have to admit, it was hard to keep a straight face, un."

"You're such a jerk, now I feel like an idiot!" Sakura knocked her hand against his leg, laughter still spilling from her lips.

Deidara shrugged; well, as well as one could when they were still lying down. "I know I'm hard to resist, I don't blame a girl, yeah." Sakura snorted at the dramatic wink he gave her and worried that she may never stop laughing. Could she still take out a ninja when she was busy laughing?

When the two finally got a grip, now only the occasional snicker slipping out, they decided to get a move on, lest they laugh until the next sunset. Deidara took Sakura's hand in his to help her onto the bird, not asking nor waiting for permission this time to assist her. Sakura started to speak up for herself, but she stopped just before the thought had even finished forming. What was she going to do, lecture him for helping her? It wasn't as if he'd outright just demeaned her. In fact, she doubted he'd ever had that intention. She didn't have to defend herself. **"You only want to because you think you have to. Learn to relax a little, will you?"**

Had Deidara not been present, Sakura had no doubt she might have started an argument with herself.

The flight back home was just as peaceful as the arrival to the forest had been. Yeah, Sakura could get used to this way of travel. In fact, maybe she was already a little addicted to it. "You look pretty at-home for someone who's only been up here a couple times, yeah."

Deidara had to admit that he'd been paranoid about flying with Sakura. He couldn't help picturing the way she had looked falling through the air, or the way her face had been so stone-cold seconds before she had jumped. But here, there were no traces of that. Now, all he saw was her smiling blissfully, even if she did dig her nails into the surface of the bird whenever there was a bit of turbulence. He hoped he could replace the earlier images with ones like this instead, but he doubted he'd ever forget that day. Watching someone so determined to end their own life didn't wash off like spilled ink.

Sakura tilted her head back to let the sunlight bathe her face, inhaling the crisp air. It tasted much more liberating way up here than it ever did down there. "What's not homely about it? It's an escape, most people find home in that." The cryptic but candid answer made Deidara stifle a snort. She did have a point. Why else would he invent this route for himself?

The comfortable silence between them continued and Sakura was free to relax. She appreciated that she didn't feel pressured into talking, nor did Deidara seem to. When they arrived back at the base, Deidara groaned and slid off the bird. "If he isn't satisfied with this then he can do his own menial work, yeah," he grumbled, not looking forward to writing the mission report. Sasori had usually written them, but Deidara didn't want to place the expectation all on Sakura.

"Is he going to work alone, now? I'm surprised he switched off his own partner," Sakura mused, fingertips resting on her chin in thought.

Deidara grinned far too widely for her to believe he didn't know anything about the switch. She knocked her shoulder against his and demanded to know what he knew, but he did nothing more than raise his hands in mock surrender. "I didn't see anything," he stated, feigning an innocent smile.

"See? What did—" Sakura wanted to interrogate him, but he had already taken off to write their mission report and left her hanging. Sakura stomped her foot much like a scorned child would. She was frustrated and determined to dig whatever little secret Deidara was hiding out of him. She'd have to bother him later, she supposed. At least she was usually pretty good at tricking answers out of people, maybe that skill would actually come in handy.

"Oh, Sakura, welcome back. I'm surprised to see you home so early, did the mission go well?" Konan never failed to startle Sakura, the woman made so little sound when she moved, almost like a wisp of paper. Sakura clasped her hands and bowed, both out of habit and of genuine respect.

"It went seamlessly, thank you Konan-san. Deidara is handling our report now." Sakura glanced behind Konan, noticing the lack of Sasori's presence. "Were you and Sasori sent on a similar mission?"

Konan seemed to contemplate her answer a moment, but she shook her head in denial. "Pein has seen both of us work before, well enough to deduce our skillsets would complement the other. We're to leave later, but it's on personal work and not something Pein has assigned us."

Sakura blinked owlishly at the explanation, but the implication she got from it couldn't have been right. She shook off the suspicions. Both Sasori and Konan were too strict and professional to allow anything to get in the way of their work, especially any distractions. Besides, Konan's expression was straight and calm, not belying any secrets she may be keeping. "Oh! I hope the mission goes well. Sasori seems a bit hard to impress."

Konan covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. "He can be a bit callous, but he and Deidara had a somewhat rough partnership. He's not as difficult to get along with, otherwise." Konan smiled, an expression Sakura found a tad cryptic, but she was accepting of Konan's defense towards Sasori.

"I can imagine working with Deidara is a strain on anyone," Sakura bit out. She folded her arms and glanced in the direction Deidara had headed off in just minutes before, but her expression didn't match with her words. Konan arched a thin brow at the younger girl, glancing between the hall and Sakura.

"Perhaps, but he isn't all bad, is he?" Sakura whipped back towards Konan upon hearing that. She believed that she was prepared to state every reason why Deidara was, indeed, a menace. But her mind came up blank when she tried to think of any. Once, it had been her duty to unequivocally hate and never question the evil of rogue or enemy nin. Now, when faced with the question again, she had no depth behind her reasons of hating them. Deidara had killed and destroyed, but had she not done the exact same, only in the name of her village?

"You are young, Sakura, but you are not naive. We uprooted you and ripped your ideals out from underneath the rug they were hidden under. I'm not asking you to apply our own ideals to yourself, all I ask is for you to redefine them for yourself." Konan's shoes clicked against the floor as she walked past Sakura, pausing beside the girl where their shoulders met. "Being born into a village means having a home and people, but once you come to see past the glamour put on for you, those things no longer seem as friendly."

Sakura listened as Konan walked away, until her footsteps no longer echoed in the corridor, but her words still echoed in Sakura's mind. Konoha had trained her since she was just a young girl, when they'd gotten their hands on her and her peers. All children from families who had done the same for generations. When children were born, they were a tally mark. Before they were taught to breathe, a child-ninja was taught to obey an order. "They're just a rank, just a number." Sakura felt each of her fingers twitch in active response. The only thing that saved the surrounding walls from her wrath was the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Not that I'm trying to police you or anything, but is there a reason you're hanging around in the hall, un?"

Sakura looked up at Deidara from beneath her pale pink lashes, watching as the man approached her. He had his hands in his pockets and, when she didn't answer him immediately, he cocked a brow at her. "Did I interrupt a personal war? I can leave, if you'd like to punch a few walls down, yeah."

Sakura's lips twitched up into a smirk reminiscent of Deidara's own. "I'd rather not destroy the place I have to sleep in at night, but it's not a bad thought," she credited. She spared a glance at the sturdy stone walls that stood around her. They didn't seem man-made, but they didn't appear entirely natural, either. The entire base was more something imaginative than realistic. That was the only description Sakura could (or would) come up with for it. Any further thought would drive her to try and press logic into it. Then she would be stuck looking for answers that were both pointless and nonexistent. Some things simply _were_.

Deidara walked towards Sakura and nudged his shoulder against hers on his way past her. Once gaining her attention, he gave a nod towards the exit of the base. "Why not get out for a while then, get a taste of the more _artful_ side of things?" Sakura knew better than to trust that excited glimmer that lit up Deidara's expression, but she couldn't turn those bright eyes down.

With a sigh, the young woman relented and turned herself around. "Why not? Blowing things up might be the next best thing!" And she had to admit, she was a little curious about seeing the bomber put his skills to use outside of battle.

Appearing satisfied, Deidara clapped his hands together and, with his companion in tow, headed out. "I like your way of thinking, yeah. Come on, I know a perfect spot a mile or two east." Deidara's impish glee was contagious. Sakura found keeping a smile off her face to be rather hard, especially whenever Deidara fired off a comment. The blond, for all he was brash and reckless, was actually pretty witty. He brought out the worst in Sakura, at least, whenever she had to cover her mouth and hide a snort because of her companion's antics.

"I'm just happy to see someone who isn't corrupted by a boring view of art. People like Sasori have backwards ideas, yeah. Art should be something that sparks intense feelings, it's meant to light up your world and go out with a bang! It's not something that just sits around and collects dust, un." Deidara's voice would rise when he was getting too passionate; then proceed to drop to a grumble whenever he was complaining about the lack of artistic appreciation others had. Sakura listened to him ramble and had the sense to nod and agree with Deidara whenever he paused long enough for her to get anything in edgewise.

"Maybe they're just intimidated by your art," Sakura said, grinning innocently when Deidara shot her a look over his shoulder. She was teasing him, that was obvious, but that wasn't to say there was no truth to her theory. If something blew up in her face, Sakura would be pretty intimidated, too.

"People who are afraid can never see the true beauty of things." Deidara lifted his chin as he said that, pride ringing in his voice. Sakura had nothing to add to that, but perhaps that was a good thing. There were some statements better left unaltered and unchallenged. Although, perhaps challenging Deidara was a good way to indulge all his energy.

When the sky began to darken and they traveled off the forest pathway, Deidara laid a hand on Sakura's back to guide her. Sakura didn't object to it and stuck close by, perhaps for fear of slipping off the trail. Deidara knew his way around far better than she did, and with that scope on his eye, he could probably see just fine even in the dark. The wind began to pick up and, for once, Sakura was grateful for her short stature. Deidara was the one who took the brunt of the wind, providing a warm ward against it for Sakura. Maybe she should have felt bad, but then again, how often was it that the short ones got to reap the rewards?

The wind carried the faint scent of flowers and rain, though there were no signs of the storm from the previous night. Hiking up the hill was a taxing, albeit quite calming trek. It always made Sakura feel good when her muscles burned with exertion, the proof of hard work. "How long have you been coming up here?" Sakura couldn't see any clear-cut path that suggested anyone came up here often. It was better to have several differing pathways, though. Doing that eliminated any ease of an enemy trying to track you down.

She felt Deidara shrug in response. "A few years, yeah. I found it while out roving the area, looking for at least one place I could call mine." He was almost speaking under his breath, but Sakura detected a hint of astringency in his voice. It sent her reeling, it reminded her of how young Deidara was. Had he been born in her own village, she suspected they might have even gone to the academy together, to have learned the same agenda.

"I'm sorry." Sakura found herself talking before her mind had stopped running. Deidara stiffened beside her, but he didn't remove his hand or distance himself, not yet. "It must have been hard. Did you…how did they recruit you?" Sakura hadn't put much thought into it. Now that she looked at the big picture, she realized not all of them may have willingly aligned with the Akatsuki. Sakura herself hadn't had a choice, she had nowhere else to go.

Deidara laughed, but it was a hollow and dark sound that filled Sakura's ears like cold water. She'd just managed to suppress a shudder when he began to talk. "It's been five years. Back when I was sixteen, I worked in my village for the Explosion Corps. When I stole this kinjutsu, I defected from Iwa and traveled on my own." Deidara turned his hand palm-up, where the shallow mouth stuck out its tongue for a brief greeting.

"It wasn't long before my work caught the attention of the Akatsuki, sent them running. They sent the Uchiha, Kisame and Sasori after me. I refused, of course. I didn't want to allow anyone else to attempt controlling me or putting any sort of restraints on my art." Bitterness was evident in the smile that curled Deidara's lips now, a glaze of memory entering his eyes as he stared down at his hand. "I guess you know pretty well how futile that was, yeah."

Sakura did, but unlike her own capture, there seemed to be much more to Deidara's story. "Is that why you hate Itachi-san, because he helped capture you?" she inquired, only to cock her head when Deidara scoffed at her question.

"He didn't _help_ , un. He was the one who did it." Deidara's hand closed into a fist and, for a moment, Sakura wondered if she should feel endangered. She was quick to decide that she didn't. "He proposed a challenge. If I won, I would remain unaffiliated. If he won, I would have to go with them." Deidara's teeth were grit as he spoke, grinding together. "I didn't know much about the Sharingan, back then, but it was my downfall. I was careless and he had the advantage with his _cursed eyes."_

Sakura flinched, startled when Deidara reverted to the native-language of Iwa. The language made his voice sound much sharper and quicker. The blond took a slow inhale through his nose to calm down, relaxing his clenched fist. "Sorry. It's been so long, but it's still fresh in my mind, un." Deidara shook his head as if to dislodge the memories. "I still hold a great deal of resentment towards him for it, and for the Sharingan."

Sakura, in an attempt to prevent an awkward silence from forming, rested her hand against Deidara's arm in hopes to relay support in some way. While their experiences differed, Sakura shared one thing in common with Deidara, and that was a hatred for the Sharingan.

Deidara glanced at Sakura's slender hand where it rested on his arm, and felt a small smile grace his lips. It was about time to shake off these heavy feelings in favor of something lighter, he decided. "C'mon, we're here. Let's blow off some steam." He winked at the girl at his side before taking her hand, tugging her along as he jogged across the grassy plane of the hilltop. Sakura's laughter carried on the wind, the whole while she felt the grass brushing at her legs as she tried to keep up with Deidara.

Eventually, he slowed, coming to a stop at the tallest point of the hill that overlooked miles of green forest and uneven, grassy land. The two plopped down in a heap of laughter that had no reason, but every time they tried to stop, it only seemed to make it worse. By the time Sakura had caught her breath she was almost dizzy, and Deidara didn't seem any better. Now that she was finally calm enough, she looked out over the edge of the hill at the expanse of the world, and felt a deep appreciation rooting inside of her. This was a slice of earth she had to herself and Deidara. "It's beautiful."

"You haven't seen anything yet, un." Sakura's eyebrows rose in response to Deidara's sly statement. His hand dipped into his clay pouch while Sakura watched avidly, excited and a touch apprehensive. That was how most people should feel about handling explosives, Deidara just wasn't born with a sense of caution. A flurry of clay birds fluttered outwards from Deidara's hand, flying away from them. If inanimate objects could have purpose, Sakura could have sworn they were in a hurry.

Deidara leaned back with a self-assured smirk on his lips, and Sakura could not help but to lean closer even as her eyes stayed on the birds. She watched as they soared off, until she could no longer pinpoint the white dots against the night sky. Just when things were silent and Sakura was going to question the birds' purpose, the sky burst into color. Splashes of vibrant yellows, blues and reds spilled across the black canvas of the sky in wide and stark shapes. Sakura gasped at the initial blast of the bombs going off, but the sound soon morphed into a gleeful laugh. Her hands clapped together as she clasped them, mesmerized by the array of vivid color and patterns weaving in the sky. It was almost as if the clay birds themselves had orchestrated an act.

Deidara watched, familiar affection and increasing temerity never failed to bring out the best in his art. It was a little overboard, perhaps, but he did have an audience to impress. He turned to face Sakura, his lips upturned in a pleased smile. The girl's own expression was lax with awe and excitement. Her eyes gleamed and she grinned when she faced him, caught up in the spontaneity and adrenaline of the moment.

The bright lights of the fireworks reflected in Deidara's eyes and his mouth softened into a small smile. She was so absorbed with the explosions, with Deidara, and the way he could create and control all this at his will. Deidara reached up and smoothed his fingers through Sakura's hair, brushing it away from her face from where the wind had blown it about. Green fireworks lit up the background and Sakura could feel each booming sound reverberate through her heart.

It ended in a kiss. Neither of them were quite sure who leaned forward first, they only knew the touch of one another's lips. Sakura was cautious and hesitant, barely leaning into Deidara, whereas he was much more confident than she. His lips pressed against hers without reserve, warm and soft and nothing like Sakura could have imagined.

Nothing like she could have imagined.

Deidara's hands rested on Sakura's hips, secure and unmoving, but leaving her any opportunity to pull away should she decide to. It prompted her to bring her own arms around Deidara's shoulders. Sakura shifted forward, leaning their chests together until Deidara toppled back onto the grass. It made Sakura giggle against his mouth, and she felt Deidara's chest rumble with laughter as well. The explosions had begun to dwindle off, now only scattered and quiet. But, the two young nin were too engrossed with one another to notice anything so insignificant.

Sakura's heart was pounding in her chest and her nerves tingled with electricity. She rested on top of Deidara, her fingertips pressed to his chest and her lips moving against his, slow but eager. She could almost taste passion on Deidara's mouth, and it thrilled her to no end. His hands tightened on her waist, but the kiss never delved further than a cautious and explorative one. Not once did he pressure her or voice impatience, and for that, Sakura was grateful.

On that hilltop, they spent hours. Sakura couldn't count them, nor did she care to even know the time. All she had at midnight was the cool rustle of the nighttime wind and the husky voice and warm lips of a blond man. By the time the two untangled themselves, Sakura wondered if she looked at all disheveled. The only thing remotely out of place on Deidara was his untied hair, and Sakura had done that herself.

In a way, it felt oddly human, to be out late with a boy, where the only ones who could judge them were the stars above. Sakura had to remind herself to step out of that blanket of normalcy and back into reality, where things were not so sugar-coated. Things were pretty for a moment, but they would blow up in the end and take out everything.

Sakura looked at Deidara's impossibly blue eyes, and thought that maybe going out with a bang was not such a bad thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it show that I've never written a real kissing scene before? There's always room for improvement at least!


	7. Memento Mori

" **You will eventually have to get up, you know."**

Sakura didn't deign her inner voice's statement worthy of a response, but she did know it was right. Albeit, she was begrudging about it. The sun had been up for an hour and Sakura had done nothing but stay in bed, urging it to go back down so that she may sleep a little more. She hadn't gotten into bed until well after midnight. During that time, she had stayed up so late with Deidara, whispering secrets and stealing affections under the guise of night. Nighttime had made her feel so brave. Now, as the sun rose and reminded Sakura of her meager four hours of sleep, she felt much less superhuman. But, despite the sandy feeling in her eyes, she had not one regret.

With the reminder that she had survived on days without sleep before, Sakura dragged herself up and out of bed. She missed the sheets wrapped around her the moment they were gone, but it was time to trade them in for her clothes and weapon pouch. She wanted to go out again and further explore her surroundings. The mission she'd had over a day ago had made her restless, she wanted to get out again. She wanted to continue training and honing her skills in a proper way, out of range of those who could control how she grew.

In the mirror, Sakura didn't meet with the scraggy girl from before. In that girl's place, she saw a young and grinning woman, who looked quite determined, if a bit tired. Reaching up with her fingertips, Sakura grazed them against her lower lip. The ghost of memories from last night still tingled there. Sakura began to feel the beginnings of a blush heating up her face, so she took off before she could see her cheeks redden in the mirror. She hurried out of her bedroom and padded down the hallway. She couldn't hear any signs that anyone else was awake, so it surprised her to see Konan near the entry of the base. The woman didn't have a hair out of place, but her eyes held a glaze of weariness that told Sakura she had been up most of the night.

Konan afforded Sakura a smile, clasping her hands together as she stepped aside to allow the teenager past her. "Good morning, Sakura. It's quite early to be awake, isn't it?"

Sakura rubbed the back of her neck, chasing away the stiffness in her muscles. "I just wanted to get out and look around before it got too warm. Besides, I like getting a head start on things." Sakura was cheerful, but she spoke a little too fast and smiled a little too wide. Thankfully, Konan seemed to accept it as decent, and nodded her head in affirmation.

"I don't blame you, it's difficult trying to find your way amongst things here." Sakura's shoulders sagged in relief when Konan began to head away, likely to catch a little sleep of her own. The woman paused just outside of the entry to the corridor. "I just thought you might like to sleep in, since you and Deidara were out for so long last night."

Sakura blanched. Stuttering out a response, she tripped over her words and couldn't manage to form a complete excuse. Not that it would have been necessary, Konan had already walked away, a good-natured smile on her face. It was impossible to keep secrets from someone who was already past that age.

Maybe it was a good idea to leave before she could get any more flustered. With her face almost rivaling her hair in color, Sakura was thankful for the outside breeze. It helped cool her off a little. She had anticipated feeling regret this morning, as she worried about how she would keep secrets and deceit to herself. What she was doing with Deidara, whatever they may call it, it had to be breaking protocol. In Konoha, such relationships between comrades were uncommon, frowned upon, even. Of course, people broke those rules, but Sakura expected there to be harsher consequences, here. She was a prisoner, she had to remind herself of that. A broken rule could mean a broken bone. She hadn't expected to be so transparent to Konan, nor had she known the woman could keep such a cool exterior no matter what came her way. Sakura envied that about her female comrade, and wondered if she might someday possess the same profundity and calm.

There were no clear-cut pathways out in the direction Sakura had chosen, today. Blankets of grass and broken-off branches covered the ground, and everything was overgrown. There were only faint wisps of sunlight peeking through the abundance of green leaves above her. They even seemed to block out sound, because Sakura hadn't even heard a bird's call for several minutes. No forest should be silent, not mid-morning. Sakura began to slow her pace, tuning her hearing to pay better attention.

A sudden crinkling of leaves came from her left as something stepped out of the grove of trees and onto the trail. With her fingers wrapped around the handle of her kunai, Sakura's legs shifted as she twisted her body to face the oncoming threat. Poised for attack, the only threat in front of Sakura came in the form of a small, grey rabbit. The animal was completely oblivious to the danger it had been in and continued shuffling along through a berry bush. Sakura smiled at her own paranoia and relaxed her shoulders in relief. "There's nothing to be afraid of out here," she reminded herself firmly.

Sakura began to turn around. Her words had hardly left her mouth, but she felt her voice freeze on her tongue. Ahead of her, standing in one of the arbitrary patches of sunlight, stood a man. She narrowed her eyes, cold with suspicion, in hopes of getting a better look at him. When he lifted his head, his eyes glittered crimson, and Sakura knew she had to run.

She turned on her heel without looking back, sending the leaves beneath her feet scattering about in a flurry of crinkling noise. Branches whipped at her arms as she darted past them, scratching at her like clawed hands reaching from the foliage. That didn't deter Sakura at all, she only grit her teeth and continued running. The forest could tear her to shreds before she would ever allow a man to do so.

Pushing and tearing through the underbrush, Sakura couldn't hear anything behind her. That did nothing to quell her panicked brain. Had he left? Had he simply come to find where she was and deliver that information back to the village? Yes, that had to be it. She could get back to the base and warn them about the oncoming threat. She was almost there, she was so close. The bend in the pathway was coming up and she would only be about ten minutes from getting out of the forest. She could make it if she just—

The air changed around the forest, almost like the entire earth had taken a sudden shift. Sakura's heart jumped into her throat, choking her. It was the only reason she didn't scream. Her muscles froze up on her and she doubted she could have taken another step had she tried, but that wouldn't have mattered either way. A cold hand wrapped around Sakura's arm, so tight and frigid, it was almost like an iron cuff. She found herself lurching sideways as a great force shoved her against the jagged bark of an oak tree. Even that felt soft, compared to the hand around her flesh.

" _Sakura._ "

The coarse voice was a hiss in Sakura's ear, sending an involuntary shudder jerking through her bones. With jarring aggression, the attacker yanked Sakura's arm backwards and pinned it against her back. All while he leaned his weight into her and forced her into the tree trunk. Sakura squeezed one of her eyes shut in a wince as the bark scraped into her skin. She was at the physical disadvantage here, but that didn't stop her, it never had before.

"Uchiha," Sakura spat the name out, as if tasting it burned her tongue. Sasuke was crushing her lungs with the way he had her chest pressed into the tree. Still, despite it, Sakura tried to gather enough air into them so that she could scream. She lost the chance to when a palm clapped over her mouth.

Screaming may not have done the girl much good way out here to begin with, but she had to exhaust every option. The only thing that was not an option here was giving up; no, that would never happen again. Sakura would not sit idle and allow Sasuke to have everything he wanted. Not the way everyone else had, when they'd served everything to the Uchiha on a gold plate.

"You've been hard to track down, Haruno." Sasuke's voice was cool, but Sakura knew what hid beneath the calm tone. There was a seething hiss, a monster that hungered to claw to the surface; a monster everyone else was either blind to or just chose to ignore. Sakura had met it in the past, and she didn't wish to again. "I don't have the patience to track you down again. I suggest, unless you want your legs broken, you cooperate." Sasuke punctuated the threat by tightening his grip on Sakura's arm, reminding the trapped girl that she had nowhere to go.

Well, she would have to make a way then, wouldn't she? Sakura sank her teeth into Sasuke's hand, ripping the flesh open. As Sasuke tore his hand free from her mouth, blood splattered against the tree and dripped down Sakura's lips and chin. Snatching Sakura by her hair, Sasuke wrenched her head back and caused her to grit her teeth in a pained snarl. "You've always been a stubborn girl, Sakura." Sasuke yanked Sakura back, making her stumble over her own feet and fall onto the ground. Dizzy, Sakura began to push herself up, but a foot planted itself on her stomach and kicked her over onto her back. Heaving a cough, Sakura found it impossible to drag any air into her body for several moments.

Staring blindly ahead, Sakura's green eyes were wide and glassy. Sasuke stood over her, the crimson sheen of his Sharingan emitting an eerie glow in the dimness surrounding them. "The elders want you dead, Sakura." The familiar curve of his lips sent Sakura's heart thudding against her ribcage. He wasn't reaching for her yet, merely watching her. She knew he trusted her to be too weak to move, too compliant and obedient to make any efforts to fight him. She never had dared speak a word against her _beloved Sasuke-kun,_ why would she, now? "But I have unfinished business with you, and I don't intend to let you go a second time."

Fury encompassed Sakura. It balled her fist and sent her arm lunging forward to collide the punch with Sasuke's flesh. There was a satisfying crunch beneath her knuckles when she hit him in the jaw, but she didn't sit back to observe the damage. As soon as she'd knocked him off balance, Sakura was up and running again. Sprinkles of blood speckled her glove, no doubt from where Sasuke's teeth cut into his lip. From somewhere behind her came the sound of a metallic clank, the sound of a sword drawn from its sheath. Dread crawled up Sakura's throat and threatened to block her airways. He was going to kill her; if Sasuke couldn't get what he wanted from her, then he was going to kill her.

Time ticked by like the seconds on a bomb's countdown. Sakura waited for cold steel to shove through her sternum, she knew it was coming. Instead of the silver sword, however, there was a thundering boom echoing to her side. Fire erupted around her, engulfing the trees. Sasuke was going to cut off her exit routes. Making a sharp detour, Sakura slid downhill on a dip in the forest ground while flames licked at the edges of her vision. Sweat was starting to drip into her eyes. She cast a frantic look over her shoulder to calculate Sasuke's position, but he wasn't there. Stilling for a moment, Sakura narrowed her eyes. _Where did he—_

Behind her.

Sakura was fast on her feet, and it was the only thing that saved her from having her throat slit. With a kunai in hand, she whirled around to counter Sasuke's attack. The sound of metal screeching against metal was painful in her ears. Sasuke stared down at her with cold indifference, and Sakura wasn't sure how she felt about it. Should it make it easier? Or should it make it worse, knowing that all this time Sasuke had seen her as so expendable? That if she lost her use to him he could kill her with doubtless ease?

"You're a monster!" Sakura hissed at her former teammate, her sharp voice ringing with realization. Sasuke's teeth bared in a sneer that looked far from sane on his once beautiful face. Sasuke shifted his weight, an action that caught Sakura off guard. His sword slid against her kunai and threw her off balance. With her attention on the weapon, Sasuke's right arm lashed out and circled his fingers around Sakura's wrist. The grasp tightened as he yanked it to the side at an odd angle, wrenching her back and snapping a bone in her arm.

Sakura, so startled by the burst of pain in her arm, couldn't even make a squeak. Stumbling onto the grass below her, Sakura's left arm was limp at her side. The handle of the sword slammed into her shoulder, causing her to cry out in pain and to fall onto her side. Bleariness misted over Sakura's eyes as she struggled to regain her bearings again.

Bile rose in her throat when she felt Sasuke's weight settle onto her hips, keeping her lower body pinned into the grass. "You shouldn't have defied me the first time, Sakura. You will give me a child. You had the chance to do it willingly, but you gave that up." Sasuke's teeth were grit as he snarled the words, wrapping his hand around Sakura's throat and slamming her head into the ground. A sharp rock cut her, and she soon felt blood pooling beneath her head.

"You're a coward," Sakura was breathless with pain and terror. Sasuke didn't respond to that, instead she felt his nails dig into her waist as he began trying to remove her pants.

Sakura screamed this time. She didn't, the first time. She only cried, wept, plead, and demanded answers that didn't have questions preceding them. Now she screamed; a scream that turned the embers in her lungs into a raging wildfire. She didn't just scream into the air, no, she screamed a name, the first one that popped her into mind. " _Deidara!_ "

The name bounced off the trees and echoed into the sky. Sakura wretched dryly when Sasuke slammed his fist into her abdomen, winding her. "Shut up," he hissed into her face, his bloodied lips hovering above her own. Sakura lurched, her whole body arching and bucking beneath Sasuke's in violent attempts to throw him off. She was beginning to feel faint from blood loss, the trauma was catching up to her and she began to black out.

The blurred vision of Sasuke above her was beginning to turn dark as blackness crept into the edges of her vision. Moments after she felt his hand slide past her stomach, Sakura swore she heard a faint, masculine voice calling out.

"Hold on, hold on! Don't you dare give out on me now!"

Distantly, Sakura heard something big landing on the ground. Sasuke stiffened above her. Not a second after, a small but thundering explosion separated him from Sakura. The girl winced, but she was unable to open her eyes even as the gust of wind from the aftermath of the tiny bomb rocked the small clearing.

Gentle hands touched her face, brushing away her hair that was damp with sweat and blood. "Shit…" Sakura heard the deep voice curse and wanted to open to her eyes, to affirm it was _him_. "Hold on Sakura. Don't pass out, I'll get you home soon, un." Sakura began to drift in and out of consciousness as he picked her carefully off the ground and carried her. Faintly grasping onto lucidity, she mouthed a single word.

" _Deidara..._ "

* * *

" _You're telling me that you don't know where he went?"_

" _No, I don't. I was a little more concerned about Sakura, un."_

" _We have to find him. He has to be on his way to Konoha. He'll tell the council immediately."_

" _He didn't find the base, yeah. Sakura was pretty far out into the forest."_

" _He'll tell them about the forest she was in. We must watch over her, she'll be confused when she wakes up."_

There were voices ricocheting about in Sakura's mind and she couldn't quite tell which one might be her own. At last, the others trailed off, aside from one angry, grumbling one. Sakura could usually decipher her inner voice apart from her own thoughts. But, with her mind so jumbled, everything felt scattered. Where she was and what had happened was cloudy, and not knowing was making Sakura begin to grow worried.

Cracking her eyes open to face the light of the room didn't feel much different from having her eyeballs seared by fire, Sakura would imagine. It was blinding and painful, not to mention she couldn't even see for several seconds after opening them. When her vision began to return to her, it was watery, but still clear enough to make most things out. Blinking upwards, her gaze slid down to the pristine white sheets pulled up around her waist. Bandages covered her arm and, when she raised it a few inches, she was relieved to feel that it was no longer broken. Her body healed itself when unconscious, but not enough to mend a broken bone. She was curious about who here was so adept at medical ninjutsu.

"Sakura?"

Sakura started when she heard her name. She began to try and sit up, but a hand on her shoulder advised her against doing so. "Don't move too much yet, un. Give yourself time to wake up a bit. Do you need water?"

Sakura, numb, answered with a nod. She was unable to even swallow due to how dry her mouth and throat were. To her right, she felt a slight tug on her arm followed by a prick on her skin. Startled, Sakura glanced down to see slim fingers holding a cotton ball to her arm. Konan had just removed an IV needle. "Sit up slowly, you lost a lot of blood from the wound on your head," the older woman cautioned. She helped Sakura into sitting position so that she may lean back against the headboard of the bed.

"How long was I out?" Sakura asked in a hoarse voice, grateful when Deidara handed her a glass of water. She took greedy swallows from the cup, soothing her parched throat. Deidara eyed her as she drank, a somber expression on his face. It made him look older, more hardened.

"A few hours. It's nearing evening, now," Konan answered. Sakura winced as she stood, feeling rather creaky as she straightened up and stretched out her worn limbs. Her head still spun and she felt the oncoming throbbing of a migraine approaching. Cradling her head, Sakura's hand emanated a peaceful green glow as she worked to heal the lingering pain.

"Are you okay to walk?" The uncertainty in Deidara's voice made Sakura furrow her brow. She lifted her head to face him again.

"Don't worry, my body heals itself even when I'm unconscious. I'm fine." She flashed him a weary smile, one that Deidara didn't return. He was beginning to put her on edge.

"Come on, I'll walk you back, un." Deidara nodded his head towards the door and waited for Sakura to walk through first. Konan watched the two young adults leave before she shook her head, exhaling a worried sigh.

The walk to Sakura's room was silent and tense. Growing concerned, Sakura folded her arms over her chest. She couldn't take the silence anymore. "Deidara, I'm sorry that—"

"Why were you out so far by yourself?" Sakura stiffened when Deidara cut her apology off. She turned around to face him, lifting her chin so that she could look up at him.

"I was just mapping out a few places to visit, I'm allowed to go where I want, you know." Her pointed statement seemed to irritate Deidara, whose jaw clenched.

"He could have killed you, Sakura. Had I not gotten there when I did, then..." Deidara, thankfully, trailed off, leaving what was already known to be unspoken.

Sakura's eyes took on a steely glint. "Well, I'm alive, and I'm unhurt now. I won't make the same mistake twice. I didn't expect him trying to hunt us down, but I won't let my guard down so foolishly again. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I don't make them twice!" Sakura's seething voice grew louder and louder until she was shouting at Deidara. To his credit, he stood unflinching, allowing her to exorcise her anger.

Once finished, she was panting, her shoulders heaving with each breath. Deidara stared at her and she stared back, daring him to open his mouth, to say something else that would drive her rage. But, he didn't. Nothing else was said. Deidara simply opened his arms to hug Sakura, pressing her face against his shoulder. She was stiff, still ready for defense, but she let Deidara hug her. "I'm sorry, Sakura," Deidara told her, his voice sober with sincerity. "You're not alone, un. We won't let this go unpunished." With that vague promise, Deidara's lips met Sakura's forehead in a brief kiss.

Sakura took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Thank you," she whispered, pulling away and placing her hand on her doorknob. She needed time to herself, to think for a while. Deidara understood (or at least, she hoped he did) and bid her goodbye for the night. Sakura listened as his footsteps departed while she leaned on her door for a moment. There was a tiredness in her bones, a tiredness she wasn't sure she was going to sleep off. At least, not tonight. She wanted to abandon her body for a while, to sink into sleep and forget Sasuke's hands on her body. She wanted to scrub away his touch, his words, the feeling of his eyes on her...she wanted it off her body. It was her body. She repeated that to herself; her body, hers, hers, hers!

When she opened her door, a cool gust of air burst from her room and made her shiver. As chilly as it may be, it was still welcoming. Closing the door felt like closing away the rest of the world for a bit. As she collapsed onto her bed, Sakura curled up, hugging her pillow close to her chest for comfort. Tonight had been so close, so terribly close. She had held on to the hope that Sasuke had grown bored of her, tired of her refusals and had moved on. But instead, he had held onto the fact she'd scorned him, denied him, and now he was seeking to punish her for it. Sakura slammed her hand into the pillow, leaving a dent in the malleable object. Why couldn't he leave her alone? Why was it only her whose life he sought to tear apart?

Sasuke was no different from the council of Konoha, from the countless soldiers who had taught and raised Sakura to be the very same. They all wanted her body for selfish, indulgent purposes. War, battle, protection, and sex.

Sakura wanted her mind and her body to be her own.

* * *

Deidara didn't head to his own quarters when he left Sakura to herself. Had he stayed cooped up, he might have very well blown up his own room. Fury crackled at his fingertips, demanding he use them for destruction. His footsteps were quick and quiet against the floor, his eyes creased, and teeth grit together. He understood Konoha to be stubborn, but to have the audacity to send an Uchiha after her? Sasuke had dared to lay a hand on Sakura, with the intent of forcing onto her a vile act. It was enough to make _Deidara_ cringe with disgust, with what empathy he had left. He would blow the Uchiha's hands off his body.

"Deidara." A voice that commanded attention made Deidara pause, giving the woman a chance to speak. Konan was a woman whose voice demanded respect, and she was not a person Deidara often brushed off. "Deidara, you need to stop. You are thinking irrationally. Sakura is safe, healed up, and in her own room. You making a rash decision won't help. Sakura won't appreciate you handling this on your own."

Deidara scoffed at Konan, garnering some annoyance from her. "We can't let this slide past us. He entered our territory to attack one of us. You really expect me to just forget about what he did to her?"

"No. I expect you to wait, to follow orders. This is Sakura's battle, it's not solely yours and you need to understand that. I understand you care about her, but we must be wise about this." Konan spoke with carefully chosen words. She trusted Deidara's abilities, but not his judgment.

Care about her? "You don't know what you're talking about," Deidara growled, ready to put an end to this conversation.

Konan, unblinking, watched him retreat. "You don't do much of anything slow, do you? You always put your entire heart into it. If something is meant to be, then allow it to be. Don't destroy it because it's the only way you understand."

Deidara snapped around to give Konan a piece of his mind for cutting in to where she wasn't welcome. But, the woman was already gone, leaving no trace she'd been there at all. Deidara cursed at her despite her absence and stormed off again. Nausea nibbled at his insides the whole way, making him feel ill and cagey. How could he keep Sakura safe if everything else prevented from destroying the source of the threat? Every time she seemed to progress, another wound was torn open. Another scar left to spill fresh trauma into an already cracked psyche.

A few clouds dotted the star-speckled sky and the air was quiet. It reminded Deidara much of the night he'd brought Sakura out here. The way her eyes lit up with delight, the chiming of her laughter, and the way her hand felt on his shoulder. Like she was struggling to heal wounds she couldn't even see. Deidara stared out at the rising moon, the bitter taste of rage still in his mouth. The village had burned their final bridge, and Sasuke had signed his own death certificate. Deidara's hand itched to swing the executioner's axe, to take vengeance for what Sakura had suffered through. A graceful clay butterfly flapped its fragile wings, flying away from Deidara. Critical blue eyes observed the creature, coolly regarding it. Mania pulled Deidara's lips into a sadistic sneer.

" _Katsu."_


	8. Your Body is Art

Sakura stood tall in front of her mirror, fresh out of the shower and dripping water all over the floor. The tips of her damp hair now brushed her shoulders, compared back to when she'd first arrived and it only hung to her chin. It was a glaring discovery of how much time had passed. Sakura spent every waking moment with her time caught in a whirlwind, slipping past her. Her excursions outside varied, now. Sometimes she ventured into the forest to spar, or to train, if she could goad someone into indulging her. Sometimes it was to the outside of Ame, to small towns where her name was unknown. Sakura enjoyed not having any recognition tied to her, no one even knew she was a ninja unless she announced it in some way. Before, as a child, Sakura couldn't escape the labels stapled to her forehead. A ninja, a medic, a weapon, an enemy. Now, though she could choose to don the Akatsuki's cloak and represent an imposing force, she also retained the freedom to remain just a girl. A girl was no one, and it felt damn refreshing.

"Perhaps you're trying to impress someone?" a voice rasped within Sakura's mind. She should be grateful that no one else could hear the inner banter, it would be scarring to the uninitiated.

"Myself?" Sakura responded with a grin. She began to ring her hair, where water droplets crawled between her fingers and down her hands. With her arms up away from the towel, the flimsy cloth slipped free of the knot she'd tried to tie it in. Towels almost never stayed where you wanted to put them. She jolted a bit, moving to cover herself as if there were eyes other than her own in the room. Discomfort prickled inside of her.

"Don't kid yourself, you're nothing but a scrawny kid. A girl who replaced curves with muscles."

Sakura slammed the words down with vehemence. To further reject the malicious thought, she unfurled her arms and exposed herself to the mirror, raising her body to stand straight. Her chest pushed outwards and she slid her palm down the firm and muscled plane of her abdomen. Yes, she had muscles, and she had worked hard for them. She'd sweat, cried, and bled for this body. Didn't she reserve the right to be proud of it? "Anyone who doesn't like it can gouge their own eyes out," Sakura muttered, giving her navel a tap.

She dressed, donning a thin nightgown, as it was too warm to wear much else. The weather was just as finicky as her own mind seemed to be. Her thoughts were quieting down now as she cleaned up the bathroom and took her leave, eager to get out of the steam. It clung to her like wispy hands and it was just too warm for that.

On her way to bed, Sakura took a book off her desk, a novel she'd yet to even check the name of. It was a random selection she'd picked up while out making herself an adventurer. She remembered a long time ago, Kakashi once said freedom was addictive to those who'd not had much of it. She believed him, now. Though, back then, she hadn't known how little freedom she'd had.

Just as she was about to sit down on her bed, there came a knock at the door. Sakura started a bit and about dropped her book. "Who the hell is up this late?"

Well…I am, Sakura thought to herself as she set the book back down on the desk. Hurrying to the door, she slid it open and began to ask what the problem might be, but her query died in her throat. Her voice recovered before her thought process did, leading her to say the first thing that came to her mind. "Why is it you only come to see me after dark?"

Deidara smiled a lopsided grin, his hair loose and hanging about his shoulders. "Everything is better at night, don't you know?" Without either of them asking, Sakura stepped aside. Deidara came into her room as if he felt quite welcome here, and Sakura encouraged it. She closed the door and flashed her eyes over her shoulder, curious but hesitant. It wasn't the first time she and Deidara had spent time alone together. In fact, over the course of the past few weeks, Sakura felt brave enough to say that she was comfortable with him. She wouldn't say she knew him exceptionally well, but she could say she enjoyed his company and the witty, comforting way he had with words. Each conversation bared more of them to each other.

However, each time, Sakura found herself growing more of an attraction. There was a developing attachment there, flanked by something explosive. Sakura hadn't been brave enough to ignite it just yet. She was waiting, she thought, but for what? "You mean we can see your explosions better," Sakura replied, snickering. "I'm glad you stopped by, though. I've never…I haven't really thanked you. I meant to, I just…" Sakura trailed off, her nervous fingers reaching up to tug at her just-washed hair.

Deidara considered teasing Sakura for her apparent awkwardness, but he restrained himself. Just barely, though. Instead, he let a smirk speak volumes for him. Sakura puffed her cheeks out in retaliation, and Deidara almost expected her to stomp her foot in frustration, too. "I didn't say anything, yeah," he pointed out, being quick to avoid the woman's temper that he had come to both admire and have a healthy wariness of. "What are you thanking me for?"

Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but only just. She both hated and appreciated the way Deidara took most things with a grain of salt. "How much do you think I should be thanking you for?" she asked, a touch of playfulness in her voice. "Maybe the day you saved my life and brought me back safe? Or the night we shared on the hilltop? Or, perhaps we should start at the very beginning?" Sakura's voice dwindled into a slower, quieter tone and she lowered her eyes. Thinking about it was painful, almost shameful. Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up, she didn't want that day to be all that Deidara thought of her. A weak, spineless girl who had given up.

Deidara exhaled through his nose in a sound reminiscent of a repressed laugh. Raising his eyes, he looked at Sakura through his eyelashes, passing several seconds in silence as he observed her. "I wasn't sure we'd ever bring that day up. I did think that you'd be cursing me instead of thanking me, yeah."

Sakura blinked, perplexed by Deidara. "Wh—what do you mean?" She, too, hadn't thought they would ever talk about that day. He was the only one who knew about it, of the circumstances that had really led Sakura into staying. She didn't know what'd he'd said, if any of them had ever asked how he captured her. But he had kept her secret without her prompting him to.

Deidara sat on Sakura's bed and leaned back against the headboard, resembling someone at ease. Or, maybe he was someone who was good at faking it. "Most people aren't too happy when their plans are ruined, yeah. When they make a choice, they're certain it's the right one." Deidara's fingers toyed with a frayed string on his pants as he spoke, keeping his gaze pinned to Sakura and making her feel antsy, herself. "When I saw you, that day, I didn't recognize you."

The sincerity in Deidara's voice was uncomfortable. Sakura had to lean back, using the wall to support her weight. "We only met once, ages ago, but it's hard to forget a girl that can shatter the ground, yeah." Deidara paused to smile for a moment, putting Sakura's nerves to rest a little. "That day, you were older, paler, thinner. You didn't have that anger in you that you had back then, that anger that drove you forward, to fight. I've seen suicidal people before, Sakura. They don't want to be saved. They're tired, they're done, yeah." Deidara's shoulders hunched as if he were collapsing under a strong weight.

Sakura twitched, flinching away from an unseen cold front. "You think I regret you saving me?" she asked, clenching her hands so that her pulsing adrenaline had somewhere to vent. "I don't. I didn't, back then. I was sorry the second I stepped off that ledge." Sakura's voice was welling with emotion. She paused, swallowing so that she could continue without choking up. Even with her eyes wet, she lifted her chin and stared Deidara down. It was a challenging, imposing expression, with her locked jaw and furious, glowing eyes.

Deidara wanted to stand, to approach Sakura and try to comfort her, but he felt compelled to stay right where he was, too. This felt wrong, somehow, like he was watching something personal that should be private. But, Sakura had let him in, and here she stood in the way of leaving, her small body made of steel and valor. It was everything he remembered her to be, plus miles more.

"Look at me," Sakura ordered in a voice too gentle to hold so much command. She needed to be heard, she wanted to feel real, to feel understood.

"I am," Deidara promised her. "I always am."

The words wrapped around Sakura, draping over her like a thin shawl. She gripped it. "I thought dying had been my only choice. I think people believe that when they're too hurt to see anything else. When I was falling off that cliff, all I could think was how scared I was, about how much I wish I was standing back on solid ground. I was lucky when I got a second chance and I'm grateful for that every fucking day! And I'm sorry for everyone who got pushed to that point and didn't get a second chance!" There were tendrils of fury and regret lining Sakura's words as she spoke, hissing them past grit teeth to keep her voice down. But, there was more than that. It was the stark passion in her eyes.

Sakura was alive, and she wanted to _feel it._

Deidara, wide eyed and frozen still, bounden to listen. Even after Sakura's voice had died down from the room, he still felt it echoing. When the woman straightened, he snapped out of it, leaning forward as she stepped towards him. He blinked once and she'd crossed the distance, her cool hand touching beneath his chin. "Sakura," Deidara started, raising his own hand to touch her wrist. "Be careful. You aren't—"

Sakura's fingers held Deidara's jaw as she tilted her head, bringing her mouth to be level with his. Something flashed in her eyes; something dangerous, primal and alluring. Deidara sucked in a breath, but it was an empty one that did nothing to soothe the need that was growing in his chest. "I know what I want," Sakura whispered in a solid voice, breathing her words against Deidara's lips so that he might taste her passion.

Deidara's eyes fell half-shut, relinquishing his faint grasp on Sakura's wrist. With that shift, that quiet approval bestowed to her, Sakura leaned forward and sealed her lips against Deidara's. His lips were warm, chapped from worrying them between teeth, and reminded Sakura of how nice they felt pressed against hers. She sucked his lower lip into her mouth and let her teeth nip gently before she let go, savoring the way Deidara arched into her for the attention.

The way Sakura moved forward was cautious but purposeful. Slow, deliberate leaning as she pressed into Deidara and he began leaning back. The bed dipped under one of Sakura's knees, and then the other as she came to rest on the bed, straddled over Deidara's waist. Deidara's hands landed on Sakura's waist and squeezed. He wanted to bring her closer, to feel her and get as much of her as he could. Maybe he was becoming a bit greedy, when it came to this exhilarant woman.

The bed creaked underneath the two's combined weight as they tilted back. Sakura's legs squeezed around Deidara's waist, and he gasped against her mouth at the way her hips pressed into his. Triumphant, even at such a quiet sound, Sakura lowered her body against Deidara's to press her soft breasts against his chest. The nightgown was too thin to serve as much of a barrier. It was already near see-through as it was.

Deidara's fingers dug into Sakura's skin to pull her lower against him, she sucked in a startled breath. The short inhale tapered into a soft sound of encouragement. Deidara knew better than to push or pull too much against Sakura's walls. She had barriers for a reason, and he would only move forward when she was the one who tugged at him. She traced the wet, pink tip of her tongue against Deidara's lip, slow, inviting. Prompting Deidara to open his mouth, Sakura's tongue slid past his lips and pressed against his own tongue. It was strange at first, the kiss was wet, hot and she wasn't quite sure what was she was doing. When her tongue curled against Deidara's and he moaned into her mouth, Sakura figured she had to be doing something right.

Sakura's nose brushed against Deidara's as she kissed him. Occasionally, she had to find a different way to tilt her head, but she thought that with a little practice, this might get easier. Another thing she found through practice was that it was a little hard to breathe while kissing someone. A bit dizzy from lack of air, and from the rising high in her brain, Sakura broke away from Deidara. The man leaned forward a little when she pulled back, his eyes blinking open in a daze to look at the flushed face of his lover. They were both turning breathless, having only just noticed the burning in their lungs. Leaning forward, Sakura rested her forehead against Deidara's own, considering the glimmering blue of his eyes.

It was Deidara who grinned first. It spread across his face and brightened his expression. So ebullient and genuine that Sakura couldn't keep herself from smiling, too. She giggled and leaned down to press a short, chaste kiss to Deidara's lips, which were pink from the earlier aggression. She kissed the corner of his mouth, then, before she continued to lower her attention, kissing along the defined line of Deidara's jaw. Her slender fingers tangled in the blond mess of Deidara's hair, tightening and tugging gently to coax him into tilting his head back. The tanned skin of his throat begged her to mark it, and she intended to comply.

The sheets wrinkled beneath Deidara as he tilted his head back, baring more of his neck. Sakura's teeth grazed against the smooth skin, until she paused to nip at it. She left behind several red marks that would turn into small bruises by morning. She kissed and bit, sucking hickeys onto the vulnerable flesh exposed to her in places that Deidara would have trouble hiding. Did she want him to hide them? Or did she want to project this night, to mark it and prove it as hers? Sakura wasn't often a possessive person, but something in her tonight drove her to be such.

Deidara's hands slid against her hips, gliding lower on her body to the milky skin of her thighs. The nightgown didn't cover that much (or had he been pulling it up?) and the bare skin was free to touch. The mouths on Deidara's palms nibbled at Sakura's thighs, causing her to shudder in surprise. Beneath her lips, she felt Deidara's pulse beating wild, and she smirked against it. Without warning, Sakura moved away, sitting up on Deidara's hips. The flimsy fabric of her nightgown rustled about the tops of her thighs. Deidara watched, rapt, as Sakura's fingers slid down her torso to grasp the bottom of the cloth. The translucent fabric slid up over Sakura's hips and stomach as Sakura tugged it up, pulling it over her chest and off her body entirely. The air in the bedroom was cool against her breasts and made her nipples harden into pink peaks.

Deidara's hands tightened on Sakura's thighs, causing indents in her soft flesh. Emboldened, Sakura rocked her hips, sliding against the hardness beneath her hips. "Shit," Deidara's hissed curse sent waves of smug satisfaction rolling inside of Sakura's belly. She could feel how hard he was already, all because of her.

Deidara's grip on her thighs dropped so that he could favor attention to her breasts. The warm, calloused pads of his thumbs pressed against Sakura's nipples and rub them in slow circles. Sucking her lower lip between her teeth to bite it, Sakura arched her back to push her chest forward more. Sharp, pleasant tingles shivered through her nerves while Deidara lavished attention to her. It was one of the most sensitive parts of her body, how could she help it? He pinched the soft skin between his fingers and tugged, until Sakura's nipples were hard and aching and she had to lean forward to kiss him. She kissed hard, with a powerful want.

Still holding the lead in her hands, Sakura let some of that rope out, extending it to allow Deidara to take the reins a bit. Careful as he moved, he pushed Sakura to lie down on the bed, resting on her back with her legs spread around Deidara's waist. Still kissing her, soft and gentle pecks and nibbling against lips that were already pink and likely to swell later. Deidara gripped the band of Sakura's underwear and began to roll them down. Sakura bent her knees a bit so that he could slide them off, before she relaxed again and let her knees fall apart.

Deidara's lips grazed the pale column of Sakura's throat. His fingers rubbed against her inner thighs, coaxing her to arch up in pleasure. His fingers reached her soft, wet sex and Deidara groaned against her damp skin. Sakura wrapped an arm around Deidara's shoulders when she felt his fingers rub against her and start pushing inside of her. She groaned in appreciation, tightening her embrace around her lover. Her muscles were soft and hot around Deidara's fingers as he slid them into her, relaxed and wet enough to avoid any discomfort. Sakura dug her heels into the sheets when Deidara sunk his middle and ring finger into her, coaxing her to relax and accept the new sensations. He twisted and curled his fingers, drawing quiet coos from Sakura's mouth. The pad of his thumb rubbed circles against the small, intensely sensitive bundle of nerves of her clitoris. She jolted at first, startled by the onslaught of feeling.

Gentling his movement, Deidara rubbed against Sakura's clitoris in slow patterns. All the while continuing to move his fingers within her. Sakura hissed, her eyes squeezing shut and mouth opening as it all washed over her. She rolled her hips, clamping down on Deidara's fingers as the tingling, burning pressure in her abdomen began to swell. It was happening fast, faster than he might have expected, but he reminded himself Sakura wasn't used to feeling this way. This was her first time, and he'll make it memorable. Instead of slowing, he pushed harder, eager to lull Sakura into the orgasm she'd been edging towards. Her voice was catching on her breathing, presenting in sharp little gasps as she rose on the high. It was muscles tensing, loosening in pleasure, tensing again as it spread throughout her body. It was fast and slow all at once, leaving Sakura shaky and struggling to calm down. The sheets were sticky against her sweating skin. She was so lost and hypersensitive that at first, she didn't notice Deidara had moved away to undress himself, too.

Panting, Sakura began to relax her fingers where they gripped the sheets so tight. She was grateful for the few seconds she had to compose herself a little, until she felt Deidara return to the bed. His hands gripped beneath her thighs and pulled her a bit closer to him, keeping them splayed around his waist. Where Sakura's hand was beside her head, Deidara reached and clasped their fingers as he leaned down to kiss her. "You're sure you're okay, yeah?" he whispered huskily, seeking her confirmation a final time. He didn't want her to have regrets, he didn't want her to be afraid.

Sakura gave his hand a small squeeze with her fingers. "I'm sure, I want this." She swallowed and closed her eyes, choosing to focus on only her sense of feeling. The head of Deidara's cock slid against her wet entrance, slick and hot as he began to ease inside of her. It was uncomfortable, and it was a little hard trying to stay relaxed, but it wasn't anything Sakura would call outright painful. She hugged him with her free arm and drew in a shaky breath, struggling to control herself a little. Deidara leaned his forehead against the crook of Sakura's neck with a quiet hiss of pleasure. She was hot and wet around him, and though he wasn't sure she meant to, she was squeezing him in a way that was almost unbearable. He didn't move yet, though, and he wouldn't until she was ready. This was in her control.

Being ready wasn't something Sakura was certain about. But, when she could squeeze around Deidara's cock and not wince, she felt she wanted him to move. Nudging her hips to convey this desire, Sakura murmured sweetly as Deidara shifted his hips. It was still a little uncomfortable, but in a way, it was still enjoyable. Sakura liked the way he slid in and out of her so easily, she liked his hands on her body and the way he filled her, she was sure it would only get better. The first time didn't have to be perfect, but she considered it special nonetheless. Her nails scraped down Deidara's back, leaving red lines and garnering a low sound from the man. His eyes were dark with pleasure when Sakura opened her own, finding him looking down at her. Her face was already flushed, but she was sure it grew just a little bit hotter.

He smirked down at her, cupping her face to kiss first her lips, then her forehead. The wet sound of their hips meeting mingled with their quiet sounds of pleasure and frantic breathing. "Deidara," Sakura whispered her lover's name, making him push into her faster. Sakura repeated it, locking her legs around Deidara's waist and tilting her head back with her mouth open, lips shiny and bitten. Near the end, like this, she decided she liked this feeling. It would take time, and practice, as most things did, but it was an experience she knew she would always be able to remember with great feelings. Deidara's body against hers, him murmuring sweet-nothings and endless affection into her ear, to the satisfying heat in her abdomen. Sakura could only throw her head back and cry voicelessly as Deidara drove into her. He held her hips, pulling her down onto his cock each time he thrust into her, now.

The way she squeezed and squirmed was too much, though they both knew from the start it wasn't going to last forever. Deidara's entire body tensed, muscles locking as he started to come inside of Sakura. The warmth spilling into her was a surprisingly satisfying feeling. It drew a startled moan from Sakura's lips, still open in a thin ring. Panting, they were both dazed and hot, as well as deeply pleased. Sakura left her legs spread open a bit even when Deidara carefully withdrew from her body. She could heal the faint ache later, for now, she didn't quite mind it. She listened as Deidara settled beside her and rested an arm around her waist, neither of them opting for the blanket just yet. Sakura wanted to bask for a while.

Deidara's breathing evened out beside her, but his arm never loosened around her waist. Sakura was content to let it stay there. As she stared up at the ceiling, she rested a hand over her navel and smirked to herself in pure satisfaction.

This was liberating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck even is het smut, tbh?


	9. Severed Ties

One of the best feelings in the morning was waking up to the feeling of someone's arm wrapped around your waist. Sakura had only felt it once, but it was enough to decide it was one of her new favorite things. Deidara's breath fanned across her neck, slow and deep as he was still asleep. Sakura circled her fingertips on the blond's forearm where it draped across her waist. From behind her, she heard Deidara groan, beginning to wake up, albeit begrudgingly. Sakura giggled into her pillow.

"Morning," Deidara mumbled against the nape of Sakura's neck, her pink hair tickling his lips. Sakura hummed pleasantly, and curled back into the warmth that wrapped around her. There was a mild ache between Sakura's legs, but it was a dull discomfort that she thought would be better dissipating on its own. Tentatively stretching her legs out, Sakura pulled away from Deidara's grasp with some reluctance. As she stood, the sunlight illuminated her, erasing the shadows that still covered the bed. Her pale skin was adorned with hickeys and bite-marks all across, wherever Deidara could have reached.

"It's rude to stare," Sakura said, casting a coy look over her shoulder at her lover. Deidara's eyes traveled up from Sakura's thighs to her face.

"I'm not known for being polite, yeah."

Sakura snorted, but she supposed she couldn't argue with that. "Get out of my bed," she told him, batting him with her pillow and messing up his already mussed hair. Deidara sighed in bitter response as he pulled himself out of the bed. While he'd much rather watch Sakura as she wandered around the room naked, he understood her want to get dressed and hide last night.

Although she hated to heal the marks, Sakura found it easier than searching for clothes that would cover them. Deidara's suggestion of wearing the cloak at all times wasn't appreciated, though he found it quite funny, himself. As Sakura was going to lecture him on it, a knock came at the door, causing her words to stumble to a pause. Deidara flicked his gaze to the door, as did Sakura, when Sasori's voice filtered through it. "A meeting has been called, your presence is required."

Sakura cleared her throat before she walked to the door, opening it a crack to answer. "Understood, I'll be there in a moment." She spoke quickly to the red-haired man, nodding her head in a small bow. Sasori eyed her a moment, coolly studying her before he raised his gaze to glance over her head into the room. Though she knew he couldn't see far, she still felt her heart jump. Sakura bristled and words burned on her tongue should Sasori raise suspicion, though she promised herself he had no reason to.

Sasori turned his gaze back to Sakura without comment, but something in his gaze sent a shudder down her back. "Do hurry," Sasori told her, taking his leave without further disturbance. It left Sakura stunned in the doorway for a moment before she shut it in a rush, a bit jarred. She turned to face Deidara where the man was leaning against her wall, the picture of leisure.

"I'm sure he figured it out. He's too—"

"He did, but he isn't going to say anything." Deidara pushed his hair behind his ear, gathering it so that he could tie it up again. "Don't worry about it, yeah."

"How can you be so sure?" Sakura didn't have the same faith Deidara seemed to have in his former partner, for which she didn't see a reason to have.

Deidara cocked a brow, as if Sakura was missing something that was key. "Sasori isn't one to interfere with business that isn't his, yeah." Deidara pushed off the wall and walked past Sakura, who was still digesting the explanation. Pausing at the door, Deidara snickered to himself, reminding Sakura of a child who knew a secret he wasn't meant to. "Besides, it would be pretty hypocritical of him to out us."

Sakura covered her mouth to hide her shock. "Sasori? But with who—" Sudden realization struck Sakura as she thought back to how coy Konan had acted towards her. How she avoided most questions about Sasori or their new partnership. It was becoming clear to the young girl that she'd been quite blind. It was a different sort of partnership that had burgeoned between the two older Akatsuki nin.

Sakura hadn't suspected that at all from someone like Konan, who was so loyal to her causes. Nor did she expect it from someone as serious and strict as Sasori. It was dangerous to pursue any form of relationship inside an organization. Even the hidden villages discouraged—or outright forbid—such relationships between working ninjas. Of course, some went behind the backs of authority to continue being lovers. Sakura recalled Asuma and Kurenai, who had started a romance in spite of their positions and the risks it brought. Sakura thought of how it had only made it harder on Kurenai when Asuma had died, and how high the chances were for a ninja to not make it through the day. Not for the first time, Sakura wondered if her own choice was worth it.

"Hey, snap out of it. What are you thinking, un?" Deidara snapped Sakura from her reverie with a hand on her face. "You can trust me. Even if Sasori said anything, there's nothing anyone could do," Deidara promised. He had no intention of letting anyone dictate him, and he hadn't taken well to authority long before getting recruited into the Akatsuki. "This isn't pretty little village rules, Sakura. It doesn't work that way, yeah."

Sakura's hearing faded out as Deidara spoke, her hands clenched at her sides. "Pretty little village rules?" Sakura repeated, tasting the words on her tongue and finding them sour. "Where they can strip you of your rank, arrest you, make an example of you for any misdeed?" Sakura paused, to gather her breath, not noticing how her fists balled at her sides so tight. "Where they lied to children to keep them brainwashed and on their side, believing there's only one right? That every wrong is an enemy worth killing? Or worse, dying for?" Anger rose Sakura's voice and it was lucky that the walls were too thick for her voice to be overheard.

Deidara's cool hands encircled Sakura's shaking fists, and it was with no small amount of hope that she wouldn't snap his arms. "Look at me," he told her, taking ahold of her chin so that he could tilt her head up. "You are not trapped there anymore. You are a ninja of your own volition, and it's up to you to fight for what you need to, un." He held Sakura's gaze, not daring to let go of her hands until they relaxed. Only then did he straighten and drop his hands from hers. "I understand," he said, "I left my village so that I wouldn't live under laws so tight anymore. Here, there are goals to work for, but I'm still free to practice my art and my freedom. We all are, un."

Sakura pressed her knuckles against her temple to ward off the imminent headache she could feel approaching. She was torn between apologizing and continuing her rant, which she had fuel to spare. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I was still so…bitter," she admitted, rubbing at her bicep. After the weeks that had passed, Sakura had put Konoha and her past there out of her mind…or, she'd thought she had. "I wanted to put it all behind me, but I don't know how."

Deidara watched her, silent, and Sakura felt as if he could see completely through her. "What do you think you need to do to put it all behind you, yeah?" he asked, as if Sakura could present him with an answer in the palm of her hand, but she couldn't. She wasn't sure, she had never thought like that before. How was she supposed to, now? "Sakura," Deidara started, "you overthink everything. Not every answer is right in front of you, you can't always figure it out through analyzing. You were hurt, you were traumatized. That doesn't disappear. You can't ignore that and suddenly stop feeling it. It's up to you to decide how you feel and how to handle it. You're a medic nin, you know all about physical wounds, but those aren't always the ones that are the most dangerous, un."

Sakura crossed her arms, wishing it would protect her from the cold truth reaching out for her. It was stubborn, perhaps even an act of defiance. She didn't want to give her past any thought, not anymore. She didn't want to remember the people she had once loved or the people who had hurt her. She didn't want to remember the regimens that had turned her into an adult before she had even hit puberty. What was it she wanted, for them to be fucking sorry? Is that what she wanted? For them to apologize?

Sakura shook her head. "Let's go. We shouldn't waste any more time than we already have," she grumbled.

Deidara didn't argue, but he did shake his head as the girl walked away from him. He walked behind her as they headed down the dim corridor towards the room everyone had met in. They were stood before a shimmering holographic image of Pein. Sakura noticed that both Kisame and Kakuzu were absent, the same shimmery images of them were in place instead. A mask slid into place over Sakura's previous turmoil to disguise it and fit into the atmosphere. The ominous aura made the air feel thick and heavy. She came to stand, with Hidan on her right and Deidara to her left. Hidan cut his eyes sideways to glance at the two younger shinobi, a sneer curving his lips. "Decided to finally show up, heathen?"

Sakura ignored the insult–which she was sure was bait, anyway–and stared ahead. She was focusing on the dizzying image of Pein that stood on the tall rock formation above them all. For just a second, she thought she saw him glance at her, but when she blinked, his eyes were elsewhere.

"I was hoping that the meager attempts at retrieving their medic nin would die out, but it's come to my attention that Konoha is growing to be a threat. I will no longer tolerate their disturbances, which have been a hindrance for years to us. The final Jinchūriki lies in Konoha. Though I understand it is a dangerous task, I want him captured as well as the threat of the village eradicated." Pein's voice was smooth and when the echo finished bouncing off the walls of the cave, it still rung clear in Sakura's ears.

"Do you want the entire village destroyed?" It was Sakura who spoke, causing Pein's gaze to center on her. She could feel Deidara's eyes on her as well, boring into her, but she kept her eyes locked onto Pein's.

"I want them incapacitated so that they will never present issue to us again. Haruno, can I entrust you to work on this mission unbiased? I won't put a liability in the field if you'll allow your past to influence how you handle this work," Pein spoke coolly.

Sakura lifted her chin, not an ounce of hesitation to be found anywhere in her expression. "I can and I will," she told him, the normal gentleness in her eyes hardening into ice. "I know the village inside and out, my knowledge and skills both will be valuable."

Pein nodded his head in acknowledgment. "Very well. I'm placing you and Deidara on this mission, alongside Itachi and Hidan. Itachi and Sakura both know the inner workings of the village and I trust Hidan to provide you with backup."

Hidan scoffed beside Sakura. "I guess I can chop up a few pussy Leaf fuckers," he said, baring his teeth in a wolfish smirk.

"When should we depart, Leader-sama?" Itachi asked, disregarding Hidan's crudeness.

"Tomorrow. I'm giving you the rest of today to prepare yourselves, but I want this taken care of immediately before they can throw off any more of our work. They're getting too nosy and too bold for us to ignore them any longer." Pein looked out over the four members of the Akatsuki he had assigned the mission, and they bowed their heads in understanding. "Good. You are dismissed."

The image vanished, as did those of Kakuzu and Kisame. As the others filtered out, Sakura lingered for a moment. Deidara paused by the exit and turned to look at her. "If there's any doubt in your mind at all, you shouldn't go through with this. It will put you at risk."

Sakura, not turning around to face him, laughed. It was a single, bitter sound. "My only doubt is whether I'll have enough restraint. You focus on the Kyuubi, retrieving Naruto will be hard if not impossible. They'll put all their lives below his, and he's quite powerful now, himself." Sakura turned to look at Deidara, gauging his expression. She did take his words into consideration; was she doing this out of spite? Out of a thirst for vengeance? Yes, perhaps she was. She was angry and she was hurt, but it was more than that. Sakura wanted closure.

She didn't want it to have to happen to any other children.

"Get ready. I'll see you in the morning, when we're all ready to head out. I think we should travel by flight up until we reach their forests, then we should travel by ground." She walked towards Deidara, pausing in front of him. She vaguely wished she could see both of his eyes, but even as she brushed his hair away from his face, she could only see the scope. "It will be fine. You told me to find out myself what I needed to recover."

"And what is that, Sakura?" Deidara murmured, feeling inexplicably drawn in by the determined sheen in Sakura's eyes.

"I want to confront what hurt me so that I can let it go. They've done terrible things, Deidara. I'm not the first fucked up child they drove to the Akatsuki." Sakura tightened her grip on Deidara's arm, but she wasn't sure if it was for emphasis or to keep herself anchored.

Deidara reeled a bit. "Itachi is a different story, he isn't–"

"They chose to kill an entire clan, Deidara. They made a child kill his own parents. And as much as I hate Sasuke, as much as I want to tear his beating heart out of his chest, that village ruined both him and Itachi. They allow Sasuke to get away with anything because he's powerful, because his bloodline is elite, but what about me? What about other girls who suffer at the hands of power?" Sakura wrenched herself away from Deidara now, and when he reached out for her, she turned away from him. "I want it to stop. I want all of that to stop. And I know I can't make it stop, but if I can be a part of what does, then I'm going to be." Her voice trailed off, tapering into a whisper.

Cautious, Deidara stepped towards Sakura again, placing his hand on her shoulder. It wasn't fair of him to tell Sakura not to go, it wasn't his place to tell someone else how to recover. But, he could support her, and that was something he'd always do.

"You're starting to think like us now, Sakura," he said, resting his chin atop her head. Sakura smiled, albeit softly.

"I am one of you."

* * *

The four members of Akatsuki met before dawn, three of them silent and one cursing the earliness, and departed on two clay birds. None of them spoke to one another during the travel. The blanket of night kept them concealed until the edges of Konoha's forest came into view. The scenes surrounding the village were familiar to Sakura, and she wondered if Itachi thought the same. His memories were tainted and bitter, far more than hers were, she was certain. Closing her eyes, the young woman inhaled, breathing in the crisp nighttime air that whipped around her.

Then Sakura opened her eyes and took in the rolling green hills she grew up around. It was a pretty, peaceful village, not yet awake, she was sure. Malevolence coated her lips, upturning into a smirk that no longer held the empathy or the sanity of the girl raised inside of prison walls. The birds touched down to the ground, where they would have to continue their journey.

_**I want Konoha to crumble beneath my fist.** _


	10. Watch the Queen Conquer

"Sun's rising."

Sakura glanced over her shoulder at the orange orb that was just peeking over the horizon. She and Hidan were in hiding near the entrance gate to Konoha, waiting on Deidara's signal. He had to get to the opposite side of the village, where he planned to set off a bomb. Sakura was hoping that the distraction and panic would provide a good enough opportunity for her, Hidan and Itachi to infiltrate. Deidara's explosions were to be littered across the village. The ensuing entropy should give Itachi ample cover to reach the tower where the elders were. Sakura knew Tsunade wouldn't stay, though. The old woman would no doubt plunge into the middle of the chaos. Sakura was betting on it, at least.

"Get ready. I'm sure they've prepared themselves for some sort of attack, by now." Sakura straightened up, her eyes focused on the entry gates of the village. The sharp, metallic sound of Hidan drawing his scythe cut through the air, sending a shiver down Sakura's spine. She was ready, maybe even more than that. As a girl, she'd been taught under a man who lectured against pursuing vengeance. Those words had been less for her and more for Sasuke, at that time, but she knew that they applied to her now, as well. Where she stood was so very different from back then, and she no longer looked through rose-tinted glasses. There were no more of those shiny excuses, lies, or praises. It was reality, and it was not what little girls thought it was.

Three…two…one.

A deafening sound boomed through the air, along with the sound of wooden foundations cracking and breaking. The explosion shook the ground, even where she and Hidan were standing. With the vibration against the soles of her feet, Sakura looked up towards the village, where she could hear the panicked cries of villagers.

It was too easy. The village guards must have rushed off to help those who were near the explosions. Despite the lack of a greeting, Sakura didn't doubt that several jounin were on their way to guard the entrance. Unfortunately, they were a little too late.

Once inside, she and Hidan went in separate directions. Itachi was surely in the village now, too, hunting down Naruto. All around her there were civilians darting about, rushing to get inside of homes or buildings like they were instructed to do. A second explosion wracked the ground beneath Sakura, and she had to stop to keep her balance. Several people fell, and somewhere there was a child screaming. Sakura had no business with the civilians, however, and thus she left them be. Hidan could do what he wanted with them, if they got in his way.

Around her, Sakura could hear the voices of men beginning to shout orders. So, they'd finally decided to show up? She wondered how many enemies they suspected of being in the village, or if they'd already figured it out. She had her own orders in breaking down the barriers and strength of Konoha. But, Sakura had personal orders that she planned to carry out, and that included—

There was a change in the air that surrounded Sakura. Electricity crackled through it, making goosebumps rise on her flesh. It was a split-second decision that had two very different outcomes. Sakura felt her heart lurch forward as she came to a grinding halt, her body twisting in the air as she dodged the fatal blow that had aimed for her back. The electric crackle sizzled beside her ear, far too close for comfort.

When Sakura landed again, it wasn't unscathed. Her ear was ringing so loudly that she feared it might be all she'd ever hear again. Her arm was also numb, burned where the Chidori had gotten so close to her skin. She raised her hand to touch her injured arm, where a green glow began to emanate from her fingers and spread across the expanse of injured skin. As she did, she looked out from beneath her lashes at her attacker. He, too, stood still, watching her in return. Sakura wanted him to move, to fight, but he didn't, just like she expected.

"Why?" Kakashi's voice was old, much older than he was.

Sakura laughed once before she spoke, and she didn't miss the way it made Kakashi narrow his eyes. "I'm not the one you thought you'd have to fight, am I, Kakashi?" It felt strange to say his name without the addition of "sensei" following it. Had she spoken that title, she was sure she'd have thrown up. Kakashi didn't deserve the title, not for her. What had he taught her, aside from how to run to someone else?

"You let yourself sink into vengeance, Sakura. You had so much potential, but you followed the same path that Sasuke—"

Sakura slammed her fist straight into the ground, shattering it and forcing Kakashi to get out of the way before he got crushed. "Don't you ever say his name! How dare you compare him to me!" Sakura's expression pulled into a snarl. "How would you have ever known how much potential I had?! All you ever paid any attention to was them! You taught them everything, but you never once gave me the same. You left me to fend for myself because you didn't think I could ever be anything." Sakura clenched her hands around a kunai and lunged forward, rage tinting her vision.

Sakura had learned a lot from people who were not Kakashi. She'd gained immense strength and chakra control from Tsunade. She'd learned how to be fast, agile and to plan each step before she took it from Chiyo. She'd learned her medic ninjutsu alongside Shizune. What she had gotten from Kakashi, however, was a determination to never leave things unfinished.

The kunai tore into Kakashi's left shoulder and sent blood splattering Sakura's skin. The wound wasn't severe enough to kill, but it was satisfying all the same. Kakashi gripped Sakura's wrist and, still in the air, drove his knee into her abdomen. She coughed violently, but it was a dry cough without any blood. Her elbow cracked down on Kakashi's chest to give her the momentum she needed to push off and away from him. When they landed, both were dripping blood. Sakura glanced at where her hand was stained red. A wicked smile lifted her lips. "Are you going easy because you pity me, Kakashi? I'm not the same pitiful little girl I once was."

Kakashi looked at her, and she noticed blood also dripping from his closed eye. He must have been assisting near the explosions before he had come to apprehend her, she realized. His chakra was already suffering. "No, you aren't." he told her, his shoulders sagging and his voice heavy with failure. Sakura moved, and Kakashi didn't.

Kakashi had let Sakura do it. She knew he did, and she always would know. When the kunai tore open his throat, she stared him in the eyes, even when he no longer stared back. Blood pooled around his neck and head on the ground, and Sakura left the kunai there. She was still for a moment, looking down at the body of a man she had wished so desperately to impress. As a girl, she'd been certain nothing could ever kill Kakashi. Up until she saw the tiredness in his eyes for the first time.

From deeper into the village came the deranged laughter that still sent a chill down Sakura's back, regardless if she was on Hidan's side or not. Another explosion tore through the ground and air, prompting Sakura to dig her heels into the dirt to stay steady. Already, she could see fire and smoke rising from rooftops. Before the day was over, this village would be ash in Sakura's palm.

Sakura trusted Itachi to have already taken care of his part in murdering the elders; if Tsunade wasn't there, she must already be in the village. Sakura kept moving, her gaze hard and her hands carelessly getting rid of any ninja who dared oppose her. Faces that Sakura couldn't put names to were falling around her, and her skin and clothes steadily grew redder. It was only when one, familiar face caught her attention did she stop. The green robe and long blonde hair made something pulse in Sakura's blood.

"You," Tsunade said, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "I told them not to kill you. I told them to bring you back. I thought you were only misguided! Do you have any idea what you're starting?!"

"You shouldn't be so weak-willed. You've always been too fast to forgive and let things go. Maybe if you had sent someone else, someone to kill me instead, your village wouldn't be in ruins." Sakura faced Tsunade. "A Hokage has many duties, and keeping her villagers safe is one of them. Keeping the girls safe, keeping the children safe…instead you just drink away in that tower so you can forget your own memories. What about those of us who can't forget, Tsunade?" Sakura was walking, now, approaching Tsunade, but she didn't know what she'd do when she got there. She wasn't stupid enough to challenge Tsunade, but she wanted the woman to listen. Before she could get any closer, though, she was stopped by a ninja stepping in front of the Hokage, and it wasn't just any ninja.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto whispered, his voice cracking. His eyes scrutinized her and disgust soon twisted his mouth.

Sakura stiffened, outraged by the nickname. "Shut up," she hissed, "you don't get to call me that. Not after everything that happened."

Naruto clenched his fists, anger now beginning to leak into his eyes alongside disgust. "Look at yourself! You aren't the only one who had a hard life, but you don't see me running to the Akatsuki! They killed Gaara, they've tried to kill people we love!"

The air in Sakura's lungs was turning into smoke. "If you knew pain," she had to stop to swallow, "you wouldn't inflict it on anyone else. You would have helped me, but instead you wanted to join in like it was all a joke, you let Sasuke do what he wanted. You really were a monster, Naruto."

Naruto recoiled as if her words were real weapons. "I'm not the one covered in blood." Naruto grit his teeth and pointed an accusatory finger at his old friend. "Is that it? You're just going to kill me?"

Sakura flipped the flap of her pouch open and took out a kunai that had a bomb tag on it. Before she threw it, she smirked at Naruto. "No, but I'm not going to stop it." With the kunai thrown, Sakura jumped back out of the reach of the explosion and any debris it stirred up. She wouldn't challenge Naruto with his endless chakra supply. Itachi was far more prepared and capable of subduing that than she was, and she would gladly let him.

The village was collapsing. It was burnt, broken and bloodied. Sakura had made almost a full circle around it when she caught sight of a young, pretty, familiar face. Sakura's heart seemed to shudder inside of her chest. Without hesitance, Sakura sent a kunai rocketing towards Ino's flawless face, watching as the girl's head snapped to the side. When Ino turned to face her assaulter, there was a thin strip of blood on her cheek, close to her eye. "You filthy traitor," Ino hissed, once she recognized the ninja before her.

Sakura smirked, impossibly thrilled. Ino was a fine combatant, but her head was clouded with judgment that hindered her. Ino's views of Sakura were of a young, helpless girl, and not of a woman who was a dangerous rogue. The Yamanaka threw an uppercut at Sakura, her hands reaching and clawing as she struggled to land a hit on Sakura. Fists battered and bruised against soft skin as they tore at one another, breathing heavily, and struggling to stay just one step ahead.

"Is that all you've got?" Ino finally asked, standing with shaky knees while Sakura waited a few feet away, appearing unshaken despite the wounds on her body. "We were better off without you. None of us needed you," Ino snapped.

"Sasuke did," Sakura snapped, matter-of-factly, as if it didn't faze her to say it.

Ino's mouth twisted into an ugly sneer, and she went to take a step forward, her hand outreached for Sakura's neck. When her foot landed on the ground again, it collapsed beneath Ino's weight, causing her to stumble. Ino choked and her hands shot to her neck, clawing at it in a panic. Wide, horrified blue eyes looked up, misty and unfocused. "Wh–what did…" Ino's raspy voice trailed off when blood began to trickle from her lips, Sakura watched as the blonde wretched.

Calm, slow footsteps brought Sakura close to Ino, where she knelt and brushed the pad of her thumb against the cut on Ino's face. "It's such an old trick, Yamanaka. And you called yourself a medic nin," Sakura whispered, standing up again when Ino tried to grab at her. Without anything to hold onto, Ino collapsed, lying in the dirt as her throat closed and slowly suffocated her. Sakura watched the entire ordeal, until she was certain the tormentor was dead. Only then did she leave. All around there were broken, burning buildings, and debris strewn across the roads along with bodies. Some wore normal clothes; others were clad in uniform.

Sakura was much slower now, injured and exhausted while traveling back through the village. There wasn't a vestige of regret within her, only a deep satisfaction and a flicker of hope. Stepping over askew limbs, there was a flash of bright green that would have been impossible to ignore. Sakura let her gaze trail from the arm and up, where a young face rested on the ground. Sakura was surprised when she stopped.

Lee's eyes were closed, but his chest moved faintly as he breathed. "Lee…" Sakura whispered, crouching down beside the prone body of the boy. He must have fought so hard, almost nothing ever put him down. The green fabric was soft against Sakura's fingers when she touched Lee. She swallowed, focusing the healing chakra into him to stabilize his breathing. She didn't stick around after, only giving enough to promise a fighting chance. If Lee could get out alive, that was on him. "Be better than them, Lee. I know you are."

Sakura was running, then. She was running and no longer looking, only focusing on getting back to her allies and assuring their goal had been completed. Even when her lungs felt like hot coals in her chest, Sakura continued running until she saw a flash of white. "Deidara!"

The man on the bird turned his head when he heard the familiar voice cry his name. Blood leaked down the clay, where Naruto's unconscious body was tossed over it like he was a rag. He knelt and held his hand out, and Sakura reached out to grasp it tight in her own. Her weight was easily lifted onto the bird so that Deidara could wrap an arm around her waist, his face now buried in her hair.

The bird began to move, rising upwards with the help of the cold wind now blowing leaves about the roads. "The elders, are they…?" Sakura watched as Deidara nodded. "Tsunade?"

"She's dead. She was trying to keep everyone in the village alive, and it was too much. She couldn't keep up with three of us bearing down." Deidara's voice was weary, but his eyes glimmered with unspoken pride. "Sakura, this is the first fight of a war, un. I can't promise your safety. Are you sure you can do this?"

Sakura kissed him. It wasn't a gentle kiss, it was rough and fast, as if she were afraid she wouldn't get the chance to kiss him ever again. "I know what we started," she whispered, sitting back on her heels now to take some of the pressure off her protesting muscles.

The once pristine, white wings of the clay bird were stained red with blood, some old and some fresh. The ugly wound in Naruto's chest was still trickling blood. Though, Sakura had stopped most of the bleeding to keep him alive until the extraction could be performed. Beside her, she felt Deidara rest a hand on her thigh, which was bloody, but it didn't seem to bother him.

When Sakura raised her head, she looked out over the land that she was flying away from. Where broken buildings were shrinking into the distance, and pillars of smoke rose into the air in thick, black haze. But now, there were no screams. It was silent. Anyone left alive in the wreckage who was still capable of screaming would only choke on smoke and memories. Pink strands of hair blew about Sakura's face, but she didn't brush them back, she would only smear the blood on her hands.

"It's over," Deidara told her, glancing back at the destruction that still simmered. He didn't doubt that retaliation would follow, once the other villages caught wind. With the final Jinchūriki within their grasp now, though, it wouldn't matter. "Do you regret anything, un?"

Sakura stared, silent, the blood of people who had once meant so much to her now drying on her skin. Her fingers clenched around a kunai that wasn't there and faint screams were ringing in her ears. They were dead, and the dead couldn't hurt anyone again. With that imaginary kunai in her hand, Sakura had severed her past, and she thought that the future looked quite bright.

"Not a damn thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inb4 people complain about Sakura being OP: girl was the second coming of Tsunade. Also, it's fanfiction, if people can write MPREG without explanation I can totally write Sakura being a badass. Plus, "plot armor" was literally the whole of the canon Naruto storyline, almost.
> 
> Aaaand we're back again, the second time finishing this fic! I altered my original idea a bit because I disliked the entire idea I'd written. This fic took me a long time to rewrite and although I'm still bitter towards it, I know it's better than the original and I can at least be happy with that. Hopefully some of you also are happy with this rewrite! (Or, for those of you just discovering, I hope you enjoyed!)


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